there is a polo shirt epidemic at this bar. also, im pretty sure i just saw the grown-up coppertone baby
Remember when we were trying to guess how many people could fit in my shower? The answer is 7
You taught me that having a dip while u shit is awesome. I appreciate u for that
i don't even specifically remember last night, it's just one big wonderful lesbianic blur.
Its your turn to fuck our RA next time she threatens us with an underage.
What can I say, we hook up during the holidays.. We're a seasonal couple
Well he has a girlfriend. So I told him that I wanted to have sex way more than I wanted to be a decent human being.
It was like the perfect storm of bad decisions.
Apparently unused tampons can also double as things to bite down on during public sex to prevent screaming...
I am still sore from last night. I can't wait for you to meet my parents.
Some guy Just sang about my ass on the street
It was terrible lyrics but I would have thrown my life savings into that guitar case if I had any.
That's right. I just LL Cool J'ed you up in this bitch. Zero fucks.
I’m glad they have a happy marriage but why do they have to inflict it on the rest of us?
I'm sorry I missed your birthday brunch. If it makes you feel any better I woke up wearing someone else's toga and a sombrero
So the makeout sesh? Not so great. His stubble rubbed my face raw, he tried to push me towards auto-erotic asphyxiation, and he licked my forehead. Twice.
Randomize
