Yo, my girl thinks she's pregnant, so I've got a DD for the wedding. Sweet.
I'm pretty sure I'm almost gay. Like, I'd do it if I had no choice. Like, if i were in prison I'd try it.
I wouldn't really call it 'getting lucky' considering I paid her to do it.
wanna play who's drunker? I just made macaroni & cheese taco and offered it to the pizza Guy as a tip.
Today the house voted to defund Planned Parenthood but to continue funding NASCAR. I fucking hate everything.
you just stood there spinning and got mad if anyone tried to stop you
They told me you were taking cheese cube shots and chasing them with barbecue sauce... Is this true?
Nice. I ate a jello shot out of a bovine blow up doll's love hole last night
the lesbians just got naked and went into the ocean... this never happened when i was a camper.
Also, even though this really sucks now, we will look back on this one day and laugh at the time we all got arrested on Thanksgiving
Do you remember telling our cab driver you were going to fuck a penguin?
SOMETIMES YOU HAVE TO BLAST VANESSA CARLTON IN YOUR CAR AT MIDNIGHT TO FEEL AGAIN. IDK.
I like it here so far, only people are a lot less accepting of my terrible decisions and it's cramping my style
If you break up with me one more time it's over.
I got pull-out-my-nuvaring-drunk last night.
Randomize
