He ripped my extensions out during sex, not noticing until this morning when he saw them on the floor. I told him they werent mine and he went and threw them in his sister's room.
my fingers and penis are no longer on speaking terms. My penis is too jealous of where my fingers get to go.
SOME GIRL GOT MAGGOTS IN HER COOCH FROM EXPERIMENTING WITH MAYO!
I just found glitter on my vibrator... whatever we're doing has to stop
Just so you know I would totally fuck you. Does that count as a feeling?
explain the broken jalepenos in my underwear drawer?
if i can hear my landlord's phone ring you think be can hear my vibrator?
It was one of those mornings when I wake up and feel like I have to say sorry to the whole world
Like I blink, and he's face first in my vagina.
I'm just going to assume my unresponsive booty calls are just preparing for the women's march tomorrow
death bed.
death patio
stfu you slept on the patio!?!
All I know is I woke up with my apartment door wide open, naked, and I poured an entire bottle of Advil on my bed to sleep in.
He gave me a brownie at the beginning of class and now I can't feel my face.
Also I've decided to start stealing shot glasses after I do the shots. You in?
My orgasm happened in two different decades
Randomize
