I wish there was a hungover fairy to brush my teeth and bring me a diet coke.
I just peed in the Schreyer honors college shrubbery. Thanks honors students, you're finally good for something
i cant belive i got a ticket! i know what his dick tastes like!
He bought me shots at the bar as his way of of paying me back for Plan B
When he left he said something to the effect of "well now that I've been used..." I think he may be on to me.
But please don't judge me if i smell like mustard
I hate about 85% of people that I meet. I'm an awful person. In reality my only redeeming qualities are my face, my amazing scissoring skills and the fact that children love me.
True on all accounts.
This girl has a mullet weave. I missed oakland.
I don't think casual Fridays means I can go to work with dried cum in my hair...
Sometimes I think I have so much sex with you to be sure you're actually straight.
In other news I have discovered that grindr is the easiest way to get free meals
You want to know how I feel? I feel like Cady Heron pushed me in front of a bus last night.
I've only fucked to 2 Fleetwood Mac songs, that must be why my life feels so empty.
I wore Yonce braids out last night and made out with a man and a woman #bowdown is right
Straight up last night my mom was like josh you need to find a job that doesn't include the selling or transporting of drugs
Randomize
