Well listen chief - never again do i want the scenario of going to the ER totally naked and partially drunk to b a possibility.
roommate just walked in on us. two and a half times. the half, she just knocked, sighed, and walked away.
Someone carved 'Hank' in all caps in the snow outside my apartment building so naturally I turned the capital H into a K and added an S to the front.
I think college has really matured you.
Hahahaha you would not believe what I just pulled out of my vagina. Actually you probably wouldn't be surprised.
we had a ceremony where you passed your fake id onto me in the middle of the bar. i was on my knees and you presented it to me. i don't think the bartenders were suspicious though
I tried to roll down the stairs in a ball. I have bruises, the pain is too much.
What the fuck, why would you ever do that?
Haven't you ever just wanted to be a ball?
Just had a flashback to Friday. Definitely had my hands in someone's bra. Definitely wasn't mine.
I need to shower three times. First to be clean, second to wash off all sins, and third will classify as baptism.
The police report said "I asked the suspect if he had any identification. He replied yes and gave me a Pizza Hut gift card"
It's like she fell out of an MTV reality show and no one knows how to send her back
I have an aggressive hickey on my shoulder and it actually hurts.
You coming to give me head and eat tacos?
Drunk. Send nudes. Just curious.
The viagra-rita was a sexual success and a furniture failure. He said it was the best cowgirl sex he’s ever had even with the broken couch
Just let a guy I just met eat me out in a shed at a baby shower. May have sunk to a brand new low
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