Dude ... paraplegic porn is really creative..
So he saw that playlist i made with his name as the title. i think he's creeped out that I have 106 songs that remind me of him
Hashbrowns don't come out your nose as easily as you would think
She took a break from repeating "my face is still buzzing!" to say that the phantom of the opera could be here
it would be nice to just get drunk, not hook up with anyone, and not die this weekend
Someone tried to flush pizza down the toilet. Well, at least tried to
ttyl tear gas
THESE BITCHES NOT IN MY MAJOR BETTER NOT FILL UP MY SLAVIC FAIRYTALES CLASS
Hooked up with a guy solely because he had a chameleon. Priorities.
I don't remember what you were saying to me in the bathroom. But whatever it was, yes, because i remember nodding a lot.
He said, "cum on daddy's dick!" ... I pictured my dad. That just scarred me for life.
How do I carry myself in a way that says "I swallow"?
I slapped him but he didn't wake up. He just nuzzled my head, hugged me closer, and smiled.
How do I tell this guy that if he does not like the condoms at my apartment, he should bring his own without sounding like a sure thing?
Say it's BYOC night at the beach. And, you are a sure thing. Own it.
It is getting ridiculous, the elaborateness of the schemes I have to concoct so my suitemates don't know I'm pooping.
Randomize
