i dont think there is any level of not caring that i havent covered in the last month
My professor just used "labia" and "numchucks" in the same sentence. I am dying.
Just watched a guy fight a garbage can then pee on it, screaming "I told you to listen to me the first time!!" San Francisco, I've missed you.
should my break up email to my English professor be in MLA format?
The cop was more concerned with the fact I had cowboy boots on with shorts than the fact we were under age
You just met him on Thursday, and you've already nicknamed him Golden Penis?
This has been your unwelcomed wake-up call, brought to you by exes united. Have a good day, to opt out please type "STOP", to continue but act as though they do not exist please enter "DON'T CARE" for random daily wake up texts by exes united please press "PSYCHO!"
She called to say her plane was running late and i had 30minutes to get to the airport for bathroom sex
If our sexual relationship was relative to the Harry Potter series, I would have claimed the Wizard's Cup at least ten times.
That edible kicked in right as I was upside-down on that rollercoaster. Fucking.mind.blown.
it was her dad's 50th birthday kegger. Within the first 5 minutes I got punched in the ear from an off-duty cop and smoked a joint the size of my vibrator.
oh yeah, and she got boxed-out by said cop. Then her dad turned around and high-fived him for it
How I know that I'm single: when I get a save the date for a wedding & I read "& guest" my first thought was does my bottle of Jack Daniels count.
I sat on his face and watched Mean Girls. It was a good date.
you smell like vanilla and daddy issues
I just woke up, its 6AM and i'm pretty sure the guy passed out next to me is 70% ugly...
Randomize
