i need a penis for penetration, you wont do.
oh yeah... my b.
i think guys can sense when i'm not wearing underwear
i just saw an asian skipping down the street and it made me think of you
I just used a tire swing as a toilet. I think I'm gonna pass out here so I can see the look on the first kid who uses it in the morning.
two words: eviction party
Package from mother. Contents: Cookies, my old pokemon cards, and condoms. Note: "These have a July 2010 expiration date so give them away or use them with a gal that would be a great daughter in law. Love Mom" Love you too momma
You're telling me you've never sent a picture of your cock to a girl and then were all like "Oops, sorry, wrong person! By the way...You like?"
You can't mix blow jobs, bacon, and Star Wars.
A) just did. And b-z) that sounds like a great Sunday morning.
I just recorded myself pooping, then uploaded to google drive, then connected to my pc through teamviewer then downloaded it, then played it to the living room while still pooping. God I love the internet.
Woke up with champagne in my hair and honey mustard on my hands. Strangely, I'm okau with this
I'm about to order this penis-casting kit so text me within 5 mins if you're not down
EXCEPT MY COUSIN SAW MY SEX TAPE!
I've never been so drunk at home. I just sat on the toilet playing with toilet paper for ten minutes, I almost made a paper crane.
I just realized. I havent even gotten a paycheck from this new job yet and already laid one of the girls most of the dudes are after
I’m a women at a strip club dressed as post Malone
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