Pussy?
how
Wat do u mean how?
i'm returning your mother's day gift to finance my alcoholism over the next week.
Lets go to the mall and pick up some fat chicks and take them out tonight so we can be the skinny friends
i just realized i put more money and effort into 420 then i did for christmas
who was wearing the fake mustache? I just found one in my cleavage
He kept falling asleep with the pizza in his hand. I woke him up and told him and he was shocked because he thought he ate it all. Then he would end up falling asleep and we'd repeat the whole process again.
Woke up naked next to Alex and he was braiding my hair and then commented on how healthy my hair was. I don't even know anymore..
Making a mobile stripper pole for the back of my truck memorial weekend. Is where dignity goes to die
Holy high batman
The hairdryer was like a fuckin obstacle course
Dont even get me started. you fell asleep in my kitchen after being cockblocked when you tried to use my roommates bedroom.
I knew there was a problem when things got heated and instead of rushing home I offered to get bagels instead
Now: to brush my teeth, put on my grandma slippers and earplugs, masturbate to 50 Shades and then PTFO
idk how I feel so profoundly understood by someone whose latest tweet is "labia majora's mask." but I do.
The first thing I did when I got to the apartment was masturbate on the couch
so apparantly i made out with 24 santas last night...and an elf...and a stoner
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