I want to have your abortion
My unemployment check should really just be direct-deposited into the checking account of my drug dealer
just threw up into the cup of Gatorade I was hoping would settle my stomach. thanks again, alcohol.
Used tampon in my purse. That from you?
you had "tips for anal sex" in your google search history this morning. how was your sunday night?
She stopped mid-blowjob to introduce herself to us
Because when I say 'You shouldn't drink anymore', she hears, 'I personally challenge you to chug 3 more mixed drinks'
You turned to me, winked, whispered "man the harpoons" and walked out with the fat chick
Dropping acid was like seeing the whole world as a blank canvas to imagine anything I wanted.
And apparently all you wanted was to watch the sun explode and me take 60,000 dicks to the face.
All I know is I got on a table at late night and sang gotta go my own way
We kind of crashed their funeral party. Oops.
he just fucked me for my cheese..
If you find me in the bathroom in a fetal position, licking frozen bacon .. I might have Drank a little too much.
So drunk last night I reviewed my recent anazon purchase of secret deodorant. Trust me, it was eloquent.
you were on all fours in the front yard puking, but managed to hand the pizza delivery guy a beer and to have a nice day.
Randomize
