Women are like Alzheimers patiens. You can compliment them a million times in a day, but the next day is always a wash, you have to start all over.
He probably put up nude pics. He seems like that kind of guy.
all i wanna do is slam about 38 beers eat a whole pizza and wake up naked in the taco bell parking lot
You were hopping up and down because you wanted only his strongest sperms to make it to the egg.
Darwin at his finest.
i ordered a pipe on amazon, and under recommended items, it gave me a top hat. it knows me better than my parents.
I'm still drunk. it's summer. I just need a hot dog and an aspirin.
I say go for the trifecta and maybe you'll get a medal or something. Or a baby. That's like the same thing right?
She was drunk and naked on our couch, sweating and masterbating to SNL. We made eye contact and she didn't even stop. It's new-roommate-o-clock
There's a bus with a band full of dancing women in bras. I think I like it here.
do i respond to the booty call for the guy with the bigger dick or the one who has the gourmet coffee i like so much? at this point i'm leading toward the coffee
his daughter has his phone and goesss ohhh boobies and shows me a picture of my own tits...
If you get banged by this bartender you know you can't be mad at me right? Its the rules.
Youre saying I should leave him? Have you seen the dating pool these days? It's terrifying, and in the capital region it's straight Norman Bates
My breath smells like dick and biscuits..
So a bottle of lube exploded all over my softball bag and Nike shirt.
Randomize
