We had sex on my friends waterbed ..after that the whole school kept asking him if he had fun getting "sea-sick" last night.
Why's my alcoholism being used to prove a point?
After giving the pizza guy directions you told him to look for the big stupid looking kid outside in purple
No I'm not proud of you for not sleeping with him. He has herpes. You don't get a gold star for behaving how you're expected to. Trust me. I'm a teacher.
She has a facebook friends list called oops. theres 33 people in it. she said its all the guys she regrets fucking.
I actually enjoy jerking off to her facebook more than I enjoy actually fucking her. Just something with our generation
Him cheating on his girlfriend resulted in a $1500 hospital bill from repeated blows to his testicles by my ass. They diagnosed his pain as "testicle trauma". Sex karma at it's finest.
I'm okay. We got a prayer rug sent to us with the face of jesus on it. From Tulsa Oklahoma. Kinda weird.
Dude. I legit missed class because I got too engrossed in the porn I was watching. Also I need to figure out how to get as flexible as these chicks. Some of the positions they do are outrageous.
I got Pilsbury cinnamon rolls for us to have tomorrow, but I don't have the willpower to leave them in my fridge overnight, so I am eating them all and getting us more in the morning
I love you more by the minute
Actually I more feel like I'm on a ship about to grab the holy grail off an island
The ship is me being high the holy grail is some profound idea I'm about to have
Holy fuck, my entire boob is bruised! Lierally my boob is just one big bruise.
Sorry, was sleeping. I heard a rumor that I had a hangover, so I just went with it...
I tied him up for his boyfriend so he could get fisted... I'm the best roommate ever.
Wow. That's certainly more than I've ever done for a roommate.
Grabbed the cop's ass and he still arrested Heather instead. Victory is mine!!
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