He was pretty out of it. He heard crickets outside, and thought it was the laptop. So he put his ear to it, rubbed the keyboard, and said "tell me your secrets."
some asshole was waslkibg around with ab electric razor and shaving parts of peoples heads.
That's the kind of break up sex that keeps couples together. Damn.
I am day drunk. Get ready to see my dick.
Walk of shame. Stopped at an estate sale on the way back to the house. Old lady pulled a condom wrapper of the back of my hoodie. beat that
GUESS WHO GOT ABSOLUTELY WASTED LAST NIGHT AND SPENT AN HOUR RAMBLING ABOUT KRAFT DINNER, HOCKEY, AND THE LAST TEMPTATION OF CHRIST
My alarm went off and I went straight for your dick. That's dedication.
Steve, that episode of cops where your dealer rear-ended that family is on again.
Please don't finger me like a jackhammer. I'm a woman not a construction site.
I mean...he danced with his dick still inside of me. What more could a girl ask for?
We watched ESPN, hooked up, got waffles. You know, a typical weekend.
That's why my boobs are so big, they're full of secrets.
My New Years resolution is to not hook up with random guys.
Mine is to not hook up with anyone who has a kid.
Making friends with the guy who had alcohol-infused whipped cream was the best decision I made all night.
YOU GOT ME SO DRUNKK
i got me so drunk!
Randomize
