Denial is the first step to alcoholism…and I don't hate it
I can see my step sister's thong. Don't know if I should let myself be turned on or not
theres always time to masturbate. my grandpa taught me that.
Just made everyone at my party download the vuvuzela app for iPhone, the neighbors absolutely HATE us
Don't remember much from last night, but I recall slipping you the tounge. For that I apologize
How do I tactfully ask if the neighbors downstairs can hear me beating it?
She somehow inhaled a tack last night, she's having surgery today.
You know how girls with huge tits have back problems? Do you get knee problems or something?
on my way to nyc to take a survey about my sexual activity. if you dont hear from me for a few days, assume they had me committed...
Dunno yet. Probably just gonna play the s.t.d. russian roulette game with random bartenders at the beach again. Same 'ol same 'ol
I am the kind of drunk to where i can still drive a golf cart
It's getting harder and harder to find People to carry her home
She shouldn't drink
You don't know scared until you've just begun the first stage of an acid trip till a guy on stilts with a creepy mustache and beard says "enter the Forrest"
I'm afraid I might run into that fat chick that sucked on me in the hospital parking lot while her friend cried in the car next to us, but I may be willing to take that chance.
My vagina doesn't have a refer a friend program. You don't get $25 for getting your friend to have sex with me.
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