Freshman just walked up and thanked me for letting him hide under my bed when the cops showed up to the house last weekend
I don't know how, but he made a bong out of a hamster wheel. To say I am impressed is an understatement.
disregard all texts ive sent you minus taco motherfucking bell
Someone better explain the burnt stove marks on my bed.
she said she walked into the kitchen and i was sitting ass naked on the floor chugging her parents vodka.
Here's my first problem: I'm drunk
It was over as soon as he asked if he could name my vagina pancake.
How do you explain to a guy that he's like a little puppy dog that you play with, but then leave at the shelter to go home to your German Shepard?
Congratulations on your downgrade, shes one hell of a 5
It was good. Ended up having a 3 hr make out session with her
What is this high school
There was a lot of catching up to do bro
He won't leave and I need to take a shit and vomit, quite possibly at the same time.
the only reason I'm still sleeping with him is to get the university's secure wifi password
I had 2 shots but she spilt one on me. Kinda mad but kinda grateful
Willing booties have sort of a tractor beam for me.
He had the same tone in his voice and look in his eyes that he gets when he says UFOs aren't real.
Randomize
