I've slept with so many tools that you'd think my pussy was Home Depot.
Well I went on a freakin rampage and destroyed a fan and claimed that it wasn't doing its fan duties... Then I knocked on everybody's doors in the hall and asked if they were content with their fan's performance and if not I would take care of it...
Then I hope you find a set of extremely intelligent, flexible triplets in the ethnicity of your choice.
That is the nicest thing anyone has ever wished for me
I want everyone to love me, and THEN I will choose who gets to eat me out all the time.
Hope I didn't wake u up but I woke up and there is a shirt, boxers, belt and jeans on my balcony, along with a naked guy who claimed to scale the building
Halfway through the blowjob she stopped and said 'Wait I know this dick'.
I have weed and a speedo - I don't need anything else.
Ims textiofg thsi woht my noes bcuz my hansd aer stli handcuffde to teh bedfrme. Help me
I'm gonna have to shit in a bar again tonight
bring the pregnancy test and the margarita mix, see you in 15
Just got the test results back; apparently I'm red-green colorblind. this explains the past 18 years of my life and i'm wondering why i didn't realize this sooner
Does anyone remember last night? Because I still don't know why I now own a goldfish and a ceiling fan made of pizza?
Its one of those days... someone might die
Would a picture of my dick help?
Fucking hate kids. In particular I hate our kids.
what are you up to?
it's 8pm, i've already showered and gotten in bed. if you wanted to make plans u should have asked 3 months in advance
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