My cat gives me a boner
It was one of those "since we're naked anyway" type situations
Chick took off her bra in the middle of class cuz it was "too hot." How's going out of state feel now?
Watching the gap toothed girl get more ass than me is almost devastating.
BTW my friend remembers her as "the one with the pronounced chin"
Dude I'm about to just roll over and piss off the side of my bed, rather than make the conscious effort to get up and walk to the bathroom. One of those hangovers.
It's cosmic balancing. My vagina is an instrument of karmic retribution.
The beer shits the day after completing the World Beer Tour at Epcot are just as epic as the tour itself.
Also, my old intern Lizzie whom you fed pizza to last night wants to hang out with you
my bed is a shrine, and I am its goddess.
Is it a bad thing for a seven year old to call one an alcoholic? Asking for a friend..
please don't forget about the bread in the toilet i am absolutely not dealing with that
at least he now gets to tell people how he once threw a party so epic that the next day they had to clean some girl's body paint off the ceiling
Put on my pants to go to work and discovered they had melted.
That awkward moment when you were so fucking drunk lastnight that you and your fuck buddy wake up wearing eachother's clothing covered in hot cheetos with his cat curled up between your heads meowing. Thought you'd appreciate this moment with me.
Randomize
