Awkward is getting caught beating off in the company bathroom...
I'm like a rollypolly, I only open my legs up when I feel safe.
I just lost $50 at the races, got drunk, and woke up to my ex-gf. Apparently the good decisions kept on rolling...
Yeah he had his two razors labeled "face" and "pubes". Should I be disgusted or impressed?
Dude it was weird. The strippers vagina tasted kind of like your mother's.
I'm wearing a utility belt filled with alcohol
So my Mom pointed out my vibrator on the night stand next to my stun gun and reminded me of how much I drink.
i just googled coccaine effects on sexual performance..maybe im dating the wrong guy
I found a door knob in my purse this morning, I hope whoever it belonged to doesn't need it today.
hahahah
Your boyfriends underwear are hanging from my kitchen window. Where the fuck are you?!
I just chased my hot mailman down the street to ask him out and now I am 98% positive he gave me a fake number.
Everytime I feel sad about the break up; I recall that she is a Bernie supporter and feel all better
you had her IN YOUR BED NO PANTS AND YOU GAVE HER THW BOOT?!?!?!
Stage five clinger bro. had to go.
She just texted me saying "come over and eat me out, my vagina smells like honey glazed ham." I know I shouldn't be, but i'm just so curious.
we have beer and we're watching the birds have sex in our yard.
Randomize
