she has a tiny mouth but huuuge vocal chords
I am slurping my drink like I am going to the electric chair
I went from a chick that didn't like to have sex to one that can't get enough of it. I can't believe I'm going to say this but at 27 I think I need a happy medium
DONT TAKE THE KEG OUT OF THE HOT TUB I NEED A PICTURE OF ME DOING A KEG STAND ON IT
So the bartender just told me that there was numerous people who saw me having sex on the rooftop last weekend. +1
As punishment for throwing up on my car, I am holding your phone hostage until the morning. You can read this message after I drop it off.
Their was just 7 people standing outside eating a costco chicken, definitley at the right party
I will accept it in the form of tooth necklace but if you have better ideas I am open to suggestions.
Are you kidding me????? How bout, IM SORRY FOR CALLING YOU 16 TIMES AND LEAVING YOU A TWO MINUTE VOICEMAIL OF MYSELF THROWING UP.
You were asking her how her mother would feel if y'all dated, etc. And I was yelling at you your girlfriends name over and over again in between gags and sobs.
How do you delicately ask if your friend's dad was arrested for solicitation of prostitution?
I am not a slut. I'm just very open with how much I love to have sex. Stop judging.
and then you two started interpretive dancing to Mozart
I'm totally going to bang the cable guy tonight. I'm so pumped
Nice. Make him jerk off and tape it. Send it to his woman. I also love that you had another skype date
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