Take a Tylenol with a HUGE glass of water before you pass out, you'll thank me in the morning.
i dony have tylonal but i had a snickers and popcorn and a bottle of water and i am.. brushing my teeth!
Soo I have a handle of 100 proof captain, cupcakes, and nothing to get up for in the morning.. This blizzard is shaping up to be a great night.
Jesus once told his disciples that its better to hang out with your best friend than give some douche bag a bj.
She slapped his drink out of his hand to get him to leave the bar while he and I were having an intense debate about the lyrics to mmmbop
So I found the perfect "Yeah I gained weight since high school but it went to all the right places" outfit for the reunion this weekend.
I don't remember much but I think I'm wearing your underwear, and for that, I am extremely grateful.
i think smoking weed in a ladies bathroom on the beach with two dudes might be the shadiest thing ive done in a while
we somehow managed to fit a llama, a stripper pole and a hayride all into the same day.
What shitty, shitty thing could you possibly tell me that doesnt top the fact that i got hammered and showed everyone i could shit while running
Just rolled up a joint with a cop standing right beside me. He just told us to not leave behind any garbage or empties. God I love canadian camping
In the mean time, I'll continue to kick ass at running and become a successful stripper while he might hook up with one average looking girl he met at a club. I so win.
walked into my roommates bathroom to her throwing up a quesadilla while singing come on skinny taco
mcfuck me up
MCFUCK ME UP INSIDE
I'll call you on my way home
Oh my god I'm going to die between now and then... can you at least tell me if y'all hooked up???
All I know is when I asked you how many fingers I was holding up, you said "Hippo"
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