If Jimminey Cricket were here with me he would be so disappointed.
I dont know whats worse: her telling me she was so drunk i was "almost sexy," the fact that even when theyre shitfaced, im just "almost sexy" to girls, or the fact that i wasnt that offended by it.
my mom just asked me, concerned, if I swallowed.
The dentist just giggled when he accidentally shot water across my face, I can sense how he treats women.
I think I just broke my ankle. I've only had one beer. I'm getting drunk before I go to the ER so it's less embarassing.
One date. That's all it took. I want to have his geunis babies in me. One date.
i noticed he has a cardboard window on his car and he told me he locked his keys in his car and had to break in...this only makes him more appealing
Ask her if said friend is decent looking or a wildabeast. Need to know if I need to top these 8 coronas off with a little tequila.
Jail wasn't bad. Was poppin Xanax the whole way there
I really am. The stoner chick wants to get a python.
I was going to say I needed the exercise but now all I can think about is BJs
My work here is done
I am no longer drunk enough to crave tostitos
She moaned the name on my fake id during sex, that or she's cheating on me with someone named Victor
She's just a lonely cunt and i hope she stays that way for the rest of her fucking life.
This seems like an over reaction to someone eating your fries.
I'm not in the business of asking people about their lizard
I meant his actual lizard not his manhood
Randomize