I bet he comes in French.
no, its his 'welcome back from rehab' party.
tonight is going to be epic. can you pre-book an ambulance?
She told me she wanted to wax my ass. I'm terrified and oddly aroused.
Just croosed over that too drunk for chemistry class line
Well I'm just gonna sit here naked in this chair and whatever happens happens
I'm sorry I compared your vagina to nascar
Dude, you sent that text at 9:44 AM. Who thinks of drugs that early?
Today has been like a snow day for your boobs. No rules, just doing whatever they want.
Word my sister pulled through for me and brought vodka shooters for the plane. its about to be a sloppy 4 hours
OK BUT WHO THE FUCK FORGTS A LIVE CHICKEN IN MY HOUSE
So... How much of our rent is drug money?
In retrospect, vomiting out of a moving vehicle on the third date should have been a deal breaker
I am drunkenly riding a razor scooter up and down the hills of Cincinnati
What in the fuck are you doing with your life
I forgot to lock the door last night. I woke up cuz a guy opened my bedroom door, asked me who I was and where he was. And there was another guy standing in the living room asking me if I knew what apartment "Travis" lives in.
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