I'm telling lies about you to make you look like a good person
you left him a drunk voicemail of you singing speechless by lady gaga balling your eyes out
I'll just wear something slutty to the liquor store and hope for the best
that's your solution for everything
We hooked up with his aunt passed out next to us. It was just like old times.
By the end of the night i was making legitimate noises not just saying moo.
does pizza still have the 5 second rule in the bubble bath?
yeah, we figured out that passing a joint between cars was a pretty bad idea
I'm functioning at the level of a challenged walrus.
Dude he's the best wing man ever. He starts creepin' on a woman, and she clings on to you out of fear.
Back of his car in the Starbucks parking lot WITH HIS APRON STILL ON. Check and Mate.
Holy shit. You won barista bingo AND the Triple Crown in one day.
So apparently I initiate sex in my sleep
Then we woke up and they shouted "Emergency Vodka!!" and that's how we got redrunk.
I'd marry him just to keep his penis in the country
IN OTHER NEWS did you guys see Orlando Bloom's penis today? I did
I have to start drinking water I have a drug test to fail at 1:40
Randomize
