Well if yoir are still awake and secided to drink... You may aswell drink
That text needs to switch to water.
My nephew just came out playing with my moms vibrator.
i'd like someone to explain to me why my clothes are all sticky. including my fanny pack. yes, this is a mass text.
I'm ready for my liver to be the last casualty of 2009
Foreign porn with subtitles is a little disappointing.
Succesfully slept on the roof at work for 3.5 hours without getting caught. I need a promotion
Apparently unused tampons can also double as things to bite down on during public sex to prevent screaming...
I think ur a lot drunker then u think u are. That girl has the body of a cartoon character and not in a good way.
I just saw two homeless guys bond over the fact that they both use Crown Royal bags as wallets in Burger King.
As he was going down on me, I looked over his shoulder and said "ohh a Christian mingle commercial is on"
he started frosting cupcakes and licking the mini-spatula realllllly deliberately and i don't know if i'm more attracted to him or the cupcakes
i got kicked out of McDonald's for demanding a margarita mcflurry
Some how my underwear was hanging from the antlers of a antelope head on the wall of the hotel........
lmao he sent me a snapped but i'm afraid to open.
i think i have dick pic PTSD.
Because of you I'm damaged goods. I'm a fucking soup can and you dropped me.
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