Well listen chief - never again do i want the scenario of going to the ER totally naked and partially drunk to b a possibility.
why did they invent bidet's? your butt gets clean when your poop falls in the toilet and splashes up anyway...
Three questions. How does a tomato drive a car, how does an asparagus play a guitar, and how am I still so high that I chose to watch Veggie Tales?
I don't even know how sober sex starts anymore
so i am drinking whiskey and watching home alone 2 by myself. it turns out moving to a foreign country isn't all that different after all.
She made me put my jeans under her mattress so that I wouldn't leave in the morning while she was still sleeping. Apparently I just look like "that guy".
Just wandered into a surprise final. Only a surprise for me though. I wish I could say this is the first time this has happened.
Rode a jet ski for the first time three days after I lost my virginity. Hell of a week for my vagina.
it's like doing a sit-up... but, you're inside someone
If i still have my costume on when i get home from the bar i am gonna be pissed
Not every day do you see a hooker getting arrested at noon. Just kidding, we live in Reno.
And then after we fucked he wouldn't stop calling me "champ". It was like I had sex with an extremely attractive soccer coach
We're not piercing ourselves today.
These past few weeks have been a lesson on why you don't put your penis inside girls who live in your building.
i feel like i shouldn't just had to send a text that said "no i will not eat your ass"
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