so I was thinking like, Rob Pattinson could make so much money whoring himself out dressed as Edward Cullen.
yeah, I mean if he's down to fuck a lot of fat chicks and stare at Tiger Beat posters of himself above the bed...
pray for me tomorrow cause I have a midterm that I've mostly studied for by watching Bill Nye episodes on the subject...
ok please explain why some one shaved half of my pubes?
A cab driver remembered me by name, address, and ex fuck buddys nick name from a year ago. I mustve been one memorable shit show.
I probably shouldn't have followed up that rainbow sherbet with beef jerky. This is a whole new level of fat, even for me.
Damn you and your Monday night power hours.
I always ask when they're due. It's the nicest way for me to let her know the rest of the world can tell she's putting on weight too
Ok in all seriousness. Alcohol intake is now restricted for me. I found handcuffs in my trunk.
guess who got crunk and thought it would be a good idea to give herself a pixie cut?
THOUGHT
Rebecca hasn't has this number in 3 months. Please tell all her friends to stop calling at 3 am. We are not interested in buying or selling drugs nor do we want to hook up with anyone. You all need to go to rehab.
I'm starting to think that Cosmic Steve ripped me off
NO FUCKBOY SHALL PASS OPERATION #BITCHMODE HAS SUCCEEDED
Orgasms and cereal.... that's what life's about.
And a hot pocket after we fucked. Heaven.
Never underestimate the power of titties
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