I shampoo & condition my pubes, sometimes i wish my face was closer so i could rub against it cause it feels like plush
I wish i knew how bad drinking and hieghts were before i got up here
I fucking hate vegan toaster pastries. You don't fuck with poptarts. It's like baseball...it's the backbone of american sport and you don't change it. Poptarts are the backbone of american fatasses and you don't just go changing them.
It is obvious to me now why clam chowder & beer aren't a good combo.
I feel like a combination of david goes to the dentist and drunkest guy ever goes for more beer
Well, both are illegal but one involves my vagina a whole lot less.
Her parties are sponsored by Valtrex. This might not be your best idea.
What's the appropriate I've been inside you but we're not technically dating valentines present?
Also, just had a student offer to sell me Xanax. Want some? Just for like a rainy day. Or our memorial day shitshow. Or just another Wednesday night.
I'm pricing out a roll of that wax butcher paper. We fuck too messy and I can't afford to wash them every afternoon.
WHAT GOOD IS APPRECIATING IF NOBODY'S NAKED
Maybe one day we'll get unicorn butt tattoos together
I think this shark week should consist of getting drunk enough to actually go hunt sharks ourselves.
Waking up next to a guy you don't remember going home with and the first thing you say is: where is my tiara? = successful birthday
Yes ma'am. I'm attracted to unconventional people, you know that.
True. I can't judge, half of my sexual partners I only know a false first name & a number. We all have our kinks.
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