everything was going good until you started showing off the pictures of poop you took with your phone
i woke up naked with 27 half ripped $ bills in my bed from ripping them off the wall of the bar
Did your dad mention the fact that you asked him for viagra at 2 in the morning?
Just learned the hard way that dicks can bruise the back of your throat to the extent that you cant eat. You're dead to me.
I'm pretty sure there was a language barrier but he knew what "harder" meant.
Just had Jager bombs for breakfast with her roommate... I do not regret this newfound lesbianism.
All i really wanna do tonight is get drunk with you and dance on tables. is that too much to ask?
Anxiously awaiting my period drinking Hershey's syrup from the bottle. Don't judge me
I just saw a fat girl roll down the steps taking out three people with her, thought you should know.....
As I came the Sportcenter app played that "dah nuh nuh" chime. Top ten life highlight?
All I've consumed in the last 24 hours is cranberry vodka and kosher for passover biscotti
That's what happens when you party with the tribe
So you let the Viking explore your nether regions?
I came home braless and wearing a tail....
If I could I'd magically teleport drugs and alcohol to you. Like a bad decision fairy.
he said he couldn't believe he just lost his virginity and passed out. what have i done
Randomize
