Cleveland boys shit in their own pumpkins in their own living room. Got pictures to prove it.
She swallowed my jizz and then took a shot of jack daniels and said "chaser." This cant be real life.
It's going to be great. We're a perfect team to break up marriages and happiness.
seriously my hangover is so bad I feel like my eye lashes make blinking a workout
Well I disagree, 3 different men in my bed over my birthday was the perfect way to say goodbye to my childhood innocence
Somewhere along the night we ended up at a food lion giving jello shots to high school girls.
How do I enter a double puke and rally into my calorie counter?
Dude, i don't know. I don't remember anything after we started chanting/playing "shot of gin."
She pulled up to the bar in a limo, wasted, and alone. Gets out, shrugs and slurs "I couldn't find a cab" and proceeds to take a shot.
I'm in love.
I AHVE A WINE BUCKETTTTTTT
"Accidentally" bump into him after class.
I'm gonna "accidentally" put his dick in my mouth.
these past three weeks have been a real "fuck you" to my liver
I think I just found my soul mate...he's wearing a zebra striped onesie and is into Michael Jackson...I'll explain in the morning.
I need to stop using "I went to the Harry Potter theme park" as my pickup line.
Just find a separated / divorcing man. They’re too upset to fall in love, too helpless to be alone and too horny to think straight. Smile at him the right way and he’ll be thrilled to be with a sexy younger woman!
Randomize
