I just got stood up by an 18 yr old. fmylife.
I hope to God it wasnt poon. That odor was unnatural, it was satanic pussy.
how do i tell her that i need alcohol to fuck her but at the same time i cant get a hard on with alcohol.
Hey. Can you be so hung over that you get a rash?
Currently trying to figure out if the guy has a cane next to me or brought a weird dildo to the bar
Dude. Why is there a hamster in my pocket? WHAT THE FUCK WAS IN THAT JOINT
In the middle of having sex she stopped, said "guess what, it's clitoris awareness week" and then continued fucking me
Listen you let me know what you're doing after drinking rum punch all morning
We watched the first ever season of SNL and fucked for so long. He accidentally punched me in the face, but I mean, John Belushi was the background noise of our sex. I can deal with it.
ALMOST WRECKED MY SCOOTER. DAVE FRANCO HAS A TWIN AMD HE GOES HERE
i got kicked out of McDonald's for demanding a margarita mcflurry
Masturbated while waiting for my face mask to dry, so it was a productive night.
How in the fuck did you get LIVE MOTHER FUCKING BATS!?!?! Into my ROOM last night????
I honestly have no desire to wear clothes around you
I have that affect on people
Her pegging playlist is all heavy metal so stay away if you wanna keep your ass intact
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