i woke up with someone drivers licenses in my wallet this am...he said i don't have a business card so just take my drivers license
i was picked up off the floor by a stripper, if thats not a new life low then i dont know what is.
well, I suppose if I had to pick a penis to represent the american public, yours would be it
Now that Steinbrenner is in heaven he's going to make Jesus cut his hair
I definitely managed to work the word "aforementioned" into the conversation.. At least I'm an intelligent sexter.
She uses my penis to point at the tv when we talk about the shows. I love her
I come back into the room and you're grinding with the person in the mascot suit.
i just woke up reverse cowgirl on my couch. fully clothed. my laptop is on the floor sideways. blasting gay porn and lady gaga. pizza crust everywhere. goodmorning.
Hey, hey, hey, hey. This is a hurriCAN.
Dude imagine how many pictures of dicks Obama gets. That can't be unusual. Almost every kids in the US has written the president a letter.
Just found the last picture of me as a virgin. Framed it.
You FaceTimed me at three in the morning while you were peeing. Your eyes were glazed over and you showed me your bellybutton.
How weird would it be to ask your bro to 3d print your dick for me
I think I broke my toilet with my head. There are ceramic pieces everywhere. and I might still be drunk.
i'm not sure what you are doing right now, but i know that i don't like it. whatever you are doing. just stop. come here so we can fuck
Randomize