I would explain the ketchup stains in the bed to him but saying I just got my period is so much less embarrassing...
In all honesty of all my sexual conquests, his dick is probably my proudest moment.
Make the kitchen floor stop waving. Im trying to lay on it
You could become Eskimo brothers with my dad. How can you pass that up? You pussy.
i told the cop we knew everyone at the party, it was 250 of our closest friends and she's like funny nobody on the balcony knew whose house this was
Thats why they were on the balcony!
Dude I bought a 300 dollar buffalo painting. I'm no longer allowed to take shrooms.
Cooked. Eating pizza. Didn't have a napkin so I took my shirt off and I'm using it.
As for the other mouse...I don't have any mouse traps so I put a Jell-O shot on the ground. Party hard little dude.
I fell into a police barricade, a cop helped me up and asked if I've been drinking. I just looked at him and said "dude.." He proceeded to take out his handcuffs
I'm thankful I didn't get drunk and shit my pants this year. 🦃
I just texted him from the other room to come have sex with me-stress relieved
You are such a millennial
Kyle passed out in the tub after breaking a glass and shouting, "WHAT ASSHOLE GAVE ME A GLASS?" His girlfriend gave it to him...
I jumped the fence at the bar last night. My dress got stuck and I ended up flashing the entire patio for a good 30 seconds.
At the 10 second mark everyone started to whistle and cheer. Free drinks all night
Showed up to pick her up in my boxers. Lets just say im 2 for 2 with this new idea
Can you recommend a quality dick? I haven’t had a good sexing in a while
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