Oh just a soda. I'm "driving"
Sorry I thought I was a lizard earlier.
I almost masterbated to the avatar love scene ha it was so hot
Um, yeah. You lit my birthday candles with a joint. Mom= not happy.
Would it be a dick move to report the suite next-door for a noise violation? They're singing Bad Romance off-key and I'm not sure if I can allow that.
Also I'm 95 percent positive we ate food naked together
It started out just like any other night: was watching a Zach Effron movie, drinking tequila out of a water bottle. I don't understand how this got out of hand.
Well I don't know him that well so I don't think I can give advice. You should make him a cake. Or have sex with him.
Currently sitting in the movie theatre bathroom while she gives him a blowjob in the parking lot. Don't ever tell me I'm a bad friend.
I just had sex over my oven then high fived the guy. It's going to be a good year.
I'm crying at a bar by myself drinking a pear martini drawing things dicks are scared of. How was your day?
So we just smoked a bowl, out of an antler, with this old dude, while standing at the bar. Dude just walked up and said we were in his spot, just began packing it and handing it around...
I signed the divorce papers. Can I get a blowjob now?
She's officially a Tinder poltergeist.
I drove them away with my sparkling personality and LOTR references.
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