he looked about as manly as a guy in a volkswagen bug can look
I want to jerk off but my dog won't leave me alone. It's the most depressing cock block ever.
dude, i was at the student union last night trying to study but some retarded sorority spent an hour voting on the color of the seasons shirts like it was a UN meeting- someone motioned purple, someone objected, and half an hour later after 2 recounts they decided on purple
Just thought you should know in my puerto rico drunkenness yesterday I signed my dogs name on the bar tab. cruise = success
This is drunk me apologizing to sober me in advance.. I am sprry about you're trashed house. Mom an dad will be home by 5 so get up and clean. P.s. Mike is in the closet passed out.
Next time we go to the river, we nominate you to flash people for free booze. Your tits are the biggest.
you told grandpa to call you daddy
Hahaha alright after 5 shots I'm not allowed to touch glass or boys with girlfriends.
Found a beard hair in my crotch.... care to explain?
I was in the bathroom puking up mountains of tequila and when he came to help me, I held the door shut and kept yelling at him to let me be a lady.
Why is there a video on my phone of us trying to snort a line of Reeces Pieces with you chanting "This is how fat girls party"?
The effect you have on my penis from a different state is impressive
He wanted to have sex in a church because he has keys to it from court-ordered community service. WHAT IS STANDARDS?
HOW THE FUCK CAN YOU NOT REMEMBER WHIPPING IT OUT AND PUTTING ON THE BAR?
By the way, you're banned for life.
You haven't demanded nudes today. You alright?
Randomize
