Fuck, operation next sex victim is on as soon as i get back. Do not sleep with that red head, nobody likes accidental ginger babies.
Can't imagine what could be worse than pet-naming your penis, but I'll let it go.
Now that I'm 21, I feel like I'm letting North Dakota down by not being drunk everyday
I think he'd cut a tree down for me. He's from North Dakota. That's something hot guys do there, right?
Hey welcome to Rick's drunk text tree. Rick is drunk right now please respond with "shut up" to remove your name from this list. Thanks for playing.
If I don't come back from Italy with aids I did somethign wrong
you dipped you banana in queso last night.
This weekend is gunna be a fucking shitshow. I don't even wanna know how many dicks will end up inside of me
Swear to god this chicks brother got let out of jail for the weekend for the sole purpose of cock blocking me
Look at my eyebrows in this pic! We deffo need to go back to that waxing place.
You have a cock in one hand and a shot in the other. Your eyebrows are not the topic in need of discussion.
Dude. I knoww what ur thinking. Yes, your hand hurts. It's because you fell through a window. If and when you wake up, go to the hospital.
rigging a system to keep my jello shots cold in class. important election day work.
If there aren't any tits where you are, you're doing it wrong.
My good Christian morals say no, but my complete disregard of anything related to religion says yes
After I chugged my beer the cop slapped my ass and said "atta girl" this can't be real life.
Randomize
