We can't ever have kids because there's a chance that they'll end up just like us.
A homeless man in dtwn SF was blasting lil wayne and singing at the top of his lungs. I kinda wanted to give him my life savings
It only happened twice. Once we used extra virgin olive oil and once I used saliva and brute force.
is there an easy way to say "i didnt plan on sleeping with you until i saw how drunk you were" ?
The first thing they saw when they walked in was all four of our std test's hangin on the fridge....i'd be worried if they didn't think we were sluts
The maintenance guy at work just asked me out for a drink. For once, I proudly said that I was 20.
Remember that time we were in the handicap bathroom snorting Molly at the stripclub. That was a defining moment in our friendship
IDK who she called, but some guy came into the party, flying drop kicked Joe said never again. She has to invite him around again.
Would you be offended if I asked you to smoke a blunt with me while I pooped?
When I realised he had a girlfriend I just started telling them about my ex and how I write poetry about him. Which I then read to them. They just gave me pity looks and left me to finish my spliff alone.
He sent me a picture; erect penis, cat in hand and no pants on. He got a boob pic for that one.
I come back upstairs and there he was sitting in a speedo. He handed me a blanket and said "let's cuddle" how is this real life?
Rule number one to being a good adult: don't use your vagina as an icebreaker. Just some wisdom I thought I'd pass down from experience.
My arms are still sore. Apparently, lube wrestling is the best workout ever.
Well I was thinking of taking him out for drinks then lecturing him about his drinking... kind of like an open minded intervention
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