Just walked by a guy on campus YELLING 'Im still hammered'
Mental note: adding peach schnapps to a gin and tonic does not "water it down."
Thanks for telling my landlord that the poop stain was yours and not my secret dog.
Dude you has no fucking this poptart
What?
I dont know to explain this.
we sixty- nined on a tennis court.. not even drunk. you say insane. i say creative genius.
GOING OUT OF BUSINESS: we're having a foreclosure party tonight...We'll also be raffling off a washer/dryer, microwave and a white tiger head.
I don't understand but I fell asleep naked holding a tub of cool whip and a boiled egg
it's been dubbed the summer of antibiotics
And then I passed out in my towel and was woken up by my roommate introducing me to her trick for the night.
You probably don't remember this but last night I bought you a lap dance from a stripper that had nipples that looked like runny eggs....you're welcome.
When you guys came back from the bar, I thought everyone was a T-Rex - Thats why i was hiding under the table. Never doing shrooms with Drunk people again
mate, my mother watched me threw up out of my nose wearing only a g-string.
I had sex on the roof of the dorm last night ... I feel like a combination of spiderman and van wilder
we just talked about our morning and what we were doing for the day and he handed me the addies and i took $50 out of my bra in front of a bunch of frat guys. so the mornings going really well
His hair is as curly as mine. It was like watching me go down on myself.
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