You don't have asthma, your pregnant
Would it be too much if i wore depends to new moon so i dont miss any of it?
I gave up my innocence when I let him cum in my spelling bee trophy
We looked at pictures of a Texas banjo contest from 2006 for a half hour and then were surprised by who won. That stoned.
This place smells like bottom shelf liquor and broken dreams
Come to wine Wednesday bro. We have a fog machine
Me and this 7 year old almost finished a large pizza. And when I say me and this 7 year old I really mean me.
That feels better than graduating college or that time I tried to ride a llama. Did you know they really spit?
In other news my cocaine dealer got arrested for heaving some kid out of a fourth story window.
I'm going to fix your towel rack. I broke it while I was dancing on it.
Give me a reason to not spend the rest of my evening high watching dogs 101 videos
I just want a boyfriend who will have sex to Disney Pandora.
Did I send you a drunk selfie with a pine tree last night?
I walked in on him fucking her whilst she ate skittles. I saw things no one should see, but I did get your bra back. You owe me.
Probably some sort of karmic revenge for me looking at titties somewhere along the way
and for that you shall suffer
God: I won't strike you down, but I shall introduce your child to Doja Cat during a quarantine
Randomize
