I am too pretty for them to be this angry at me.
please don't call me when you're wasted. i don't feel like having any other future arguments at 3:18am about how to hang up your phone. you have a flip phone, you should know regardless of how fucked up you are.
I kept whispering "I love it when you call me big papa" until she got annoyed and left
he kept his composure pretty well until he puked on the cop car
Also, I'd like to add that that I'm not quitting my job, my boss fed me shots at 11 am this morning.
It's only been a week and i've already broken my no summer randoms rule twice.
shes still here... layin in my bed watching a beyonce concert on tv drinking leftover franzia straight outta the bag and crying
Just described your amazing cock to a complete stranger. I am officially the worst wingman (chick) ever.
Concert was great. Tackled the lead singer. Met him afterwards. He was cool about it.
Whoever labeled dysfunctional a bad thing obviously never saw this frinedship coming.
Tell her this is the Disneyland of penises.It's a magical place everyone should visit once in their life.
I think that maybe Alyssa may of had too much to drink. is it normal for her to straddle random people in quizno's?
He sent me off with a naked dance ending in a meat swing. I don't think I'll be seeing him again.
my goal is to never have a bac of 0.0 the whole time while in the state of florida, which means i have to chug a beer before i cross the state line
Well, thanks for not letting me sleep with anyone, but no thanks for telling everyone I have the clap.
Randomize
