so he shaved. down there. and before he took his pants off i thought it was hot but then all i could think about were the naked mole rats from 7 grade science class.
there's a taquito in the driveway. If it's not yours I'm going to eat it.
a dead guy is trying to sell me oxy clean on my tv
Well he has a girlfriend. So I told him that I wanted to have sex way more than I wanted to be a decent human being.
That's the kind of break up sex that keeps couples together. Damn.
Were going to have to vacuum the bathtub, great party
Except there is my pee all over the walls now
Do you think he feels stupid trying to bang girls with his small penis? I'd be embarrassed.
I need a present that says please like me even though i'm banging your grandson
I can't even spell what he said he was on. And I had to call 4 people before someone had heard of it.
I spilled a whole plate of queso and salsa on my bed so I'm just eating it off my sheets with chips. How's your night going?
I kind of really want to call off the engagement but I kind of need his mom's mashed potatoes on thanksgiving so I'm between a rock & a hard place here
Putting plan B on my parents credit card wasn't the smartest idea
HE PEED ON ME. THE MANAGER OF THE BAR.
next time you go get food at three am and leave a rando here can you warn me??? Also i tazed him. but it was just my little one so i think he'll be fine. bring me some fries.
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