i just walked into a room at this party and someone yelled "dibs!"...
Everyone knows that the fastest route to a corporate advancement is to take a shot in the mouth
Dude. I tried to convince her to eat poprocks and give me a blowjob. It did not work out well.
just got dressed up for chatroulette- THAT desperate.
I'm beginning to feel kind of at home at Police stations
Yeah i knew he wasn't okay when he told me he was "seeing his vision"
Although I wish I was out drinking, this cough syrup has me slightly more optimistic than usual.. I heavily debating trying to find mystical creatures and selling them to rich people as pets
What's the proper amount of time to avoid my 76 year old neighbor that caught me with my pants down, peeing in my driveway at 5am?
Yeah dude I should be out of the ER in about an hr. They gave me vallium. Go tell the captain its time to set sail.
His dick is longer than my foot and I'm a size 9. I'm literally kicking myself in the vagina
I just blocked a guy on grindr for having a little dick. See? I do have standards.
that's where you went wrong. never assume I'm adult enough to do something on my own.
I don't know. She kept pirouetting across the kitchen while making dinner. I just sat there stoned.
I'm not going to say what I did. You're smart enough to figure it out. But I did it. And you owe me 20$
You're best friend just tackled me....naked....brought me to his room where he had freshly baked cinnamon rolls. I didn't know he could cook
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