I drank it, and now my boss keeps hitting me in the face with beams of light.
Tripping at your desk probably isn't the best plan you've had.
Played the LOTR drinking game last night. Ended up in boxers running thru the lot at ross's place screaming "for frodo"
I hope my margaritas pass through security.
he said i was the most charming throwing up drunk person hes ever taken care of. so of course i had sex with him.
If I sleep with another Spanish guy it is officially renamed my senor year.
Apparently as she was dragging me out of the club, I was clinching onto this european guy screaming at Jenna: that's the 12th time you've cockblocked me tonight
Best surprise in my car. A cookie, sliced kiwi and the rest of my margarita. Work is going to be awesome.
It wasn't a basement apartment, it's his parents basement. And he wanted to show me his pet tarantula collection. I NOPED THE FUCK OUT!
I Pavlov-trained him by smacking him in the nuts anytime I caught him looking at another girl in public. To this day, he's afraid to break eye contact with me in a restaurant if a tall busty blonde walks in.
would you like to venture to the magical clitoris forest?
saying, "have a good fall!" After fucking a virgin boy is good etiquette, right?
Goodnight Shia. Goodnight Moon.
He told me I remind him of his ex girlfriend but in a better more advanced way..
I'm now at a gay bar with our relatives
Maybe life is about finding the person you DO want to cuddle with after they rail you like a porn star
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