Hands down the best time I've ever had barfing.
so i had a hang over on saturday and i stayed in the shower for 4 hours, then crawled out, skimpered to my bed, and some kid i didnt know was sleeping in it
I hate the hobo that sits outside our building
Joe or Chris?
do i even wanna kno y u kno their names?
well i came home drunk one night and Chris offered me a beer as i was coming in, it was kinda weird but i wasn't goin to deny a free beer. you're proolly talkin about Joe though, he's the one with the fucked up eye.
I'm thinking about that time I was in a trashbag and you spray painted my hair yellow
the bouncer watched the girl drop her ID, saw me pick it up and say OMG SHE LOOKS LIKE ME, and then let me use it to get into the bar
As i was blowing him Silent Night came on his iTunes. I said "it isn't christmas" and he moans "yeah it is."
Just caught my dad doing coke in my bathroom again. Guess whose getting a new car for christmasss.
okay i am so sorry that i pulled a knife on you last night but seriously that woman knows how to throw a party.
I came home wearing somebody's thong. If you're missing one message me privately.
I asked him to explain what he meant by "hooking up" in paragraph form
A man can only lie in bed watching COPS for so long before he wants to do things that can lead him to starring on the show.
MY INSIDES ARE BASICALLY BEING WRUNG BY A CHAINSAW IM NEVER TAKING PLAN B AGAIN
A huge penis doesn't warm the soul. Or that's what I've had to tell myself.
i thought this was a perfectly normal conversation between two adult men about why this children's cartoon is quality television but no you just gotta be talking shit again
I'm high. I apologize for that last sentence
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