keep it on the DL tho cause i dont want it getting out and it coming off like i kidnapped her or something
remeber the saying "bad choices make good memories" dude our bad choices dont even make memories.
This needs to stop. I just vacuumed the wall. Adderall is a double edged sword.
She's trying to master eating with her feet. She said it was be she "always has to be prepared."
I think I may have appendicitis, but the house is like two blocks from the hospital so I'm just gonna go and drink anyway.
I would totes be making out with random people in the name of america if I was at the white house right now
Of course I understand. Thou shalt never turn down a free meal or drink. It's one of the commandments of being a girl.
Next time I try to break into the police station drunk, please stop me.
One of my favorite March activities is cropdusting people while wearing a kilt.
This is a question I thought I'd never have to ask. How many hits of acid did you give your dad tonight?
but dude how did I get so drunk?
Pretty sure it happened right after you poured a shot of Wild Turkey into your Budweiser, chugged it, and screamed "I. NEVER. BACK. DOWN!"
I seriously thought Satan had his hand up my asshole and was pulling out my soul. Never. Again.
The logic in me says "don't text him" .But the vagina in me says "text him".
He just kept repeating "It was like meep meep meep on my balls."
I turn 40 next week. I deserve to celebrate the end of my 30’s with a 21 year old dick
Randomize
