I would kick you in the vagina but I'm afraid I would lose my shoe.
we need blinds so i can safely watch porn during the day
I just found out my first birthday was a keg party. Suddenly everything makes sense
Apparently I spent my 300 dollar tax return by ordering ramen on amazon last night. Please tell me this will somehow pay off in the long run.
WHY AM I ALWAYS THE ASSHOLE WHO BREAKS OUT THE SHOTS
Drunk in burger king. Having it our way. Free fries. M&m sundaes.
got one for peeing in public....called the cop a donut dunking communist...should be a fun court appearance
Life's too short to be sucking dicks in cars for the rest of my life.
You puked on the bar then proceeded to walk out. I told the bartender some girl walked up, puked and left and he gave me a free drink. Hope you got home safe.
Yea... The gym isn't gunna happen today... When I was drunk last night I tried to prove I could front flip off the wheel cover of a semi... I fucked up my shoulder pretty bad... It was more of a roll
Ryan got so drunk he gave a hobo $20 and I had to zip tie him to the bed so he doesn't out stupid himself
Talk about having your cake and eating it he has basically demolished the whole fucking bakery
Can we relax the "married man" rule just once?
My apologies. I'll try not to let my dick interfere with official work duties in the future.
i just love the holidays, i hotboxed a gingerbread house last night
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