if you dont talk to me in person you cant text me
you always know who the new freshman are on fb because theyre always wearing prom dresses
People are handing out olympic condoms downtown, just put it on and it broke, this is how there trying to raise the population. Very sneaky canadian government, very sneaky
well i just had my first "when i graduated college she was 12" morning
Dude, she introduced me to her best friend form Russia and she was a 10. Her other Russian friend was even hotter. How did communism fail?
My neighbor just watched me eat a granola bar without pants, this is a whole new level of unemployed
you looked at me, pointed to a car and silently said "the elephant parks here".
Is there a fine for having sex in the back of a zipcar?
You know summer is almost over when ur school booty calls start hitting u up as if solidifying their spot in drunken mistakes for next semester
is there a reason blood came out of my hair in the shower?
head injury at diner. you headbutted the wall a few times because it got in your way
Fuck you, I'm yelling at a mountain right now
Who breaks their ankle the day before a beach wedding? This guy. Maybe this is karma for fucking someone's wife? Idk.
Woke up in a bathtub with both of my legs broken. How was your night?
She actually made an event on facebook for tomorrow when she does a pregnancy test, 8 people are attenting so far
i want to say his dick was in it but not his heart
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