cab driver says "I saw your friend who opens her legs. she went home with two guys." pretty sure he was talking about you
I know you didn't add your TWO random hook ups from the weekend to your FB friends AND change your status to "Good Catholic Girl" on the same day.
where are you?
sonic
Good. I hungoveredly cleaned your room. This is what being married is going to be like. I pick the condoms up off the floor and you bring home the hot dogs.
He did not want a thank you for helping me move in bj. I don't know how to thank him now.
My mind hurts. I feel like I drank sand yesterday.
I guess our biggest consolation is that we haven't woken up in a hottub with a dead dude. Yet.
also bought condoms to give away to people who look like they're about to make a bad halloween decision. I'm like a fairy.
its warm now so i can go back to sleeping with guys based on their fuckability rather than how much warmth they generate.
I would not be watching the debate if there wasn't drinking involved. Let's be honest.
You ever just wake up and decide, today I'm going to eat a whole bag of fritos and a tub of cream cheese
There's still helium in the tank I found in the garbage outside the bar!
I just KNEW this was gonna happen. NEVER say "all the free Jameson you can drink" around Tina.
I'm pretty sure the Jahovah's witness only came to our door because the front says "Twerk Or Treat"
It's Friday the 13th and you just got boned by a guy named Jason....
You need to stop leading guys on at bars - you're a lesbian.
And now I'm a lesbian with better self-esteem.
Randomize
