so all night Ive been that girl with her tits out @ the bar. I mean I dropped jaws, yo. But in a classy way.
Im too awkward for one night stands. I need to hire someone to come clear them out of my bed before I wake up.
grad school is all the worst parts of undergrad, without the binge drinking and bad decisions to make up for it
Here's the thing. I'm really high and have lots of questions about lightning.
just lying in bed drinking beer with a straw waiting for motivation. why?
Nobody knows who the hobo or dude who whipped out his balls is
You know how I know she's ugly? 97% of her profile pics are flowers or animals. And what do we know about pretty people and the Internet?
BUT I think maybe Thursday in celebration of America we should probably tan and see how fast we can finish everything in the liquor cabinet.
My heart feels like a grape in a barrel about to be crushed into wine
we got stoned then he started showing me how to make his penis look like a hamburger...if that's not true love idk what love is
So here's a tip: don't give a blowjob the same morning you're going to the dentist. Cuz they will think you have "mouth trauma."
My new roommate is one of my Tinder matches... It is so on.
I cannot believe I accepted his penis into my body.
He was about to go in...and he fell off the bed. Ruined mood!
I just shaved my legs via the sink as to not wake my parents up because I know I'll be having marathon sex tomorrow after my certification exam... so this is life after college.
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