: am i supposed to send the mass text 'merry christmas!' to my booty calls too?
I introduced him to the male G-Spot. Don't ever tell me I'm not experienced.
Thank GOD those kids were having a lemonade stand, I didn't have anything to wash down my plan b with.
Should I be alarmed that you're a regular enough at a bar to show up in sweatpants?
Holy mother of cocks. I was grind-with-my-boss drunk last night.
It's ok for me to have his baby but I can't be his friend on fb. Wth is wrong with this
after she pushed someone down the stairs to get more vodka we lost her for a while and found her on the pole in the garage pouring water on herself
I was like kind of drunk but mostly just very enthusiastic about beyonce
I can't help the fact that i'm turned on by white boys that look like Jesus
MY FUCKING CAT JUST GAVE BIRTH AND IM FUCKING STONED AND I FUCKING DON'T KNOW WHAT TO DO!!!
SHUN THE NONBELIEVERS. THUS SAYS THE NIPPLE LORD
His dick is the size of my forearm. Would it be rude to ask to take a comparison photo after sex?
I am convinced you could sleep through the apocalypse and only wake up because youre hungry & want Dominoes
There's a pregnant girl taking shots of apple juice
I'm like a camel in the desert in a black hole I'm so thirsty.
Randomize
