Passing las posas road. In a world of pain. Im trying to piss in a bottle through the hole in my crotch. I wish i had a bigger dick.
if women knew the size of my dick, theyd be much more receptive to my sloppy drunken advances
apparently i found nail polish and started playing a game i made up called "paint a nail, do a shot"
advice for life: when the cop takes your tallboy, don't ask for your coozy back
Wow. This hand sanitizer smells awesome. It's like I just gave a handjob to a fruit basket.
Dude I walked in to my house just to be handed a bottle of vodka by my sister. She then said i had 15 minutes to finish it. Moving into my parents place is the best choice I have made this year.
Don't forget: you only show your tits for the good beads. Be judicious.
STOP TELLING PEOPLE I PEED ON YOU
SHE WON'T ROUND UP MY GRADE! I have a 79.8% I ONLY MISSED TWO CLASSES!!! ONE WHEN I GOT DRUGGED AND ONE WHEN MY CAR GOT BROKEN INTO!! I'm interculturally competent. I used to date a Italian/Cherokee Indian. I fucked a Palestinian. How much more pro-peace can you get?
im currently assessing the tequila situation in preparation of your arrival
When I said tequila slammers would be the death of me, I didn't intend it to be today. Oh god.
I need a nap, Harry Potter movies, and dick in this exact order after work.
"This is Emily. She likes potatoes. And sometimes laughs and cries at the same time, and has a wonderful butt"
LOOK, I was 19, and I made a lot of choices with my crotch which I'm weirdly proud of
Yes dear.
I lost Mario kart three times but I got laid so it wasn't the WORST night I've ever had.
Randomize
