Just left a map of the Aleutian islands on this Eskimo girls face. Check one off my Alaska to do list.
After watching Cinemax for a few months, real porn just grosses me out.
He asked me to touch his mustache. Should I go home with him?
Did you just buzz the apartment and throw shit at the window? Josh and rob came into my room and woke me up
Fuck you Ian. U owe me $3.65 cuz thasts what I thfrew at ur window trying to wake ur ass up. And fuck u for not giving a shit
I keep looking at his nude pics and crying because ill never see it in person again.
The cops came, and I made friends with him. He wants me to babysit his kids.
That was so not worth putting pants on for.
Wow I got tittyfucked by the American Dream
MY GOD WHY DIDN'T I TAKE PHOTOS OF HIS CREDIT CARDS WHILE HE WAS SLEEPING
It's hard picking what to wear when you know the plan is sex. Like can't I just wear my robe let's just simplify this.
My friends got engaged today and I learned the techniques of going upside down on a stripper pole. I'm not really sure who won...
She used to be cute, back when we were young.
Oh well, so were platform jellies. Shit changes.
My roommate just woke up to me masturbating in our room. I figured this would happen eventually.
he passed out in the backyard and we used christmas lights as extension cords for the clippers to shave his head.
Where do you think your fantastically immense lady-boner for men in uniform comes from?
Randomize
