ParTy fuckkin suckkkks bro I gotta fid sum biTch 2 leT me fire sum loadz on her FACE!
?
Nah, but can you imagine if I were seriously like that?
i just spent an hour trying to convince my blind date that star wars is better than star trek. help me
all of your clothes are in the front law. btw..sprinklers go on in 20 minutes
The girl in the white might have stds. I'm strangely okay with this.
just got the results back. i love his dick even more now i know its clean
I love that the power of margaritas brought us back together.
yeah they are definitely having sex in that car. joe just yelled through the window telling them to do the "titanic hand print thing"
Oh my gosh they are following me around the bar
Blow your rape whistle
Just say its a British thing. They wont know Its not. And if they say you're not British, proposition them for a post-sex game of cricket.
I actually bought food at McDonald's as an apology for what I was about to do to their bathroom.
Will give head in exchange for a Netflix password. Serious inquiries only please.
I'm not entirely sure how getting 'house drunk' turned into us getting trashed, being serenaded by karaoke and going out. But it needs to happen again.
Maybe snorting K off penises isn't healthy
I'm noticing I drink less and do fewer lines when I do both together.
Now that's what I call smart money management.
The cop was standing next to me when I texted "haha" to your phone...didn't realize that he had taken it already...
Randomize
