you washed your face with toilet water last night.. i tried to stop you but you wouldn't have it.
She rolled a blunt with one hand...and instantly I had a boner, I'm going to marry this girl.
Pregaming class all semester has made this final review session more like my introduction to the topic.
My life has literally become a dickpocolypse. Thank you, summer, I missed you.
i fucked a milf yesterday.
i'm not impressed, in this generation that could technically mean a 16 year old.
12 garbage cans filled with water, a beer can floating in every garbage can, 20 ft. apart and you shoot with dodge balls..and thats only how the night began
i licked the inside of a toilet bowl for $14. i really can't talk about my night.
5am is far to early to be on jagerbomb number 6 right now
I am drunk. Riding an elevator. You can smell the beer. Doctor on with me just smiling at me... He agrees, fuck cancer.
my throat is bruised, my back is scarred, my vagina feels like it's going to fall off.. you're like godzilla. you destroy everything.
Your ability to whip out your dick and take a pic anytime I text you is startling.
Honestly who turns down a free blowjob?
So who left their underwear on a lamppost in my aunt's backyard
i just has to use a gift card to Target that one of my students parents got me to buy Plan B bc my bank account is -$0.08 so my 2017 is starting exactly how i pictured.
I think someone shaved off all their pubes in the handicap stall or a werewolf stopped by the office to take a crAzy dump!
Randomize
