he thought i was passed out so he proceeded to jerk off while i lay on the floor next to him
laughing at 16 and pregnant while fucking w/o a condom....
i always knew you were classy
"I could never have "feelings" for someone who, at one point, wanted to "hate fuck" my face."
I woke up naked this morning there was a baseball bat on the floor the bathroom door knob was removed and the floor was wet. This is why i don't do Tequila shots.
he's drinking at 8 in the morning. it's going to be one of those "or else the terrorists have won" kinda days
i think you broke pat's ankle when you drove over it... he's freaking out but on a more serious note i'm 99% sure i saw a werewolf
You could breast feed yourself wine!! This shit is genius!
Because once my penis is in motion, it stays in motion unless another force acts upon it.
Taking a shit on the side of the road is not how I imagined this morning would start.
hey dude, just got with the girl in H4. so mark H off the apartment list
haha we are half through our lease and already checked off 17 letters
Maybe it's because I walked straight up to that shelf of vodka with a look of determination that said "I mean business".
I usually have to have a cart! If that doesn't say "I mean business" then I don't know what does
I think I gave the bachelor party directions to the breweries next to my dentist so that they could take me to my appointment and pick me up afterward...
I need to wash the frat house off of me
yeah the cops just showed up and they got there ass handed to them at beer pong.
Btw I puked in your glovebox
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