My dream in life is to scissor with Ellen. I don't care if I've got a dick. I'll make it work.
I didn't know it was possible to throw up mid-sneeze.
I like my landing strip. Makes me feel sophisticated.
What you did last night can never be called sophisticated. I don't care how you trim your pubes.
No, man, we stole the housekeeper's key and we're just going room to room raiding mini fridges. Hurry
Logan has the vodka and snickers. We're making a run for it. Room 302
Ya I don't think I'm going anywhere, a cum towel, beer, and Vicodin was just exchanged in our white elephant present game
If there was a tv show called "True Life: My 58 Year Old Dad Rolls Better J's Than Me" I'd be on it.
Sometimes having a penis is like having a really stupid drunk best friend. You see it doing dumb shit but you're just not the one in charge.
I think I'm so comfortable in my sexual relationship because he mostly wants to see me naked with large plates of bacon tastefully placed upon my body
I literally heard an 'oh my god' when the shirtless Tongan appeared.
I have more important things to worry about than you drowning your cheerios in tequila.
I dunno what to tell you sport. Short of having a shock collar on, you're gonna wanna hook up with people.
The economy cant be that bad, I willingly got fired to bang her again.
I went to a swingers party and came home with a boyfriend. I love my life.
They're doing CPR to someone in the middle of Victoria's Secret. Way to block the undies, damnit!
I just shaved my legs via the sink as to not wake my parents up because I know I'll be having marathon sex tomorrow after my certification exam... so this is life after college.
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