She told me she only masterbates to Kenny Rogers songs.
OMG. What did u say?
I told her I did too.
the nicest thing hes ever said to me is give me head.......please
He said I was like bonnie and clyde all rolled into one but twice as trashy and 75% less clothes...
He obviously understands you completely.
His penis will pick the quickest route to vagina. it's like an biological onstar.
Houston, we have a blender
My Mom printed off all of my Augusts text messages. Apparently I've been drinking WAY too much and having an intermediate drug problem. I have to go home everyw weekend for the rest of the semester
We are winners. And by winners I mean home wrecking sluts
Isn't that what our 20s r for?? Testing the strength of other people's shitty relationships?
The sign say "Kereoke" strip bar. 5 more beers and ill be ready to rumble.
he told me "apparently my gag reflex doesn't work so if you magically grew a penis I would deep throat you"
I love how when they see that I'm upset their initial response is to offer me ecstasy
Just got a snapchat from him that was a video of with the caption "my new apartment" in Brazil. I think we might not be seeing eachother anymore.
Considering I drank for you last night, do you mind picking up your half of the hangover
And here I am, playing fetch with my cat at two in the morning.
You were up on table in a neon bra chanting "YOUR MOM" while drizzling vodka on your chest...
no wonder i woke up with my boobs stuck to my bra
Woke up with a glow stick in my boobs this morning. Must've dominated Sunday.
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