Can't imagine what could be worse than pet-naming your penis, but I'll let it go.
So we were in the middle of hooking up when he stopped me. I thought he was having a moral dilemma about the whole having a girlfriend thing. But no. He got down on all fours, butt naked, and started throwing up and farting simultaneously. I took it as my cue to leave.
The bartender told me the best pick-up line was to look deep into her eyes and tell her your gonna flick her vagina
My therapist says she wants to work on my 'trust issues'. I think she's found the cash cow within.
I want something that's relevant to him banging her right after I did. Like "runner-up"
Just had a brita power hour to try to counter act all the wine i chugged last night.....fucking franzia
I had to physically pry the rocks out of your hands so you wouldn't throw them at the guy with the cowboy hat. You probably would've missed anyways.
I woke up and they were watching power rangers in japanese so I just found my bra and left
He should know he can't successfully wrestle in pudding fully clothed. Amateur.
I encourage you to ignore feeling. Drinking more helps
Hey, sorry for threatening to teabag your mom to death last night
Can you send me the picture you took of me smoking a joint with the cat make-up on?
It's official cum is not a great leave in conditioner
Is it appropriate to be taking shots at 11 on sunday?
Absolutely same thing as church only different
Are we at that level of friendship where we can share slutty stories and not hold it against the other person at a later date ?
Randomize
