If Andre Agassi did Crystal Meth, what was John McEnroe doing?
there's nothing like watching the sun rise at the library alone on a friday morning to make you want to kill yourself.
either way he was missing a nipple.
I am sitting on the floor by my oven watching my cookie dough blossom. This is a whole new level of fat
Been at work for four hours and just discovered the chairs in my office double as a napping surface. Most productive thing I've done all day
My arms are sore from holding up pukeahontas for so long
there COULD be a gas leak in our house... proceeding to smoke with extreme caution...
I want a calm night. Not one where I wake up to you topless and bloody.
You tried to get the Waffle House waitress to put a candle in your cheesy hash browns.
The first guy I ever sexted is having a baby.. Is this what adulthood feels like?
I did all i could do but i woke up smelling like cigars and theres salsa all over my face
I was drunk and gave him my dad's phone number instead because somehow I thought that'd be funny. Man did that fucking backfire
He seems like a lot more than a waste of tequila
I feel like my life just hangs in the balance of "Yeah I'm probably not doing this right"
Last night you dunked donut holes in spinach dip, ate it, threw up, and continued eating. I cant keep up with your drunk eating skills.
I was wondering where the donuts went.
Randomize
