he wouldnt have sex with me because his guild had a misson on world of warcraft.
I think I just made patron unclassy I bought limes at a gas station and for salt we are using gas station packets of salt
it's already thursday and i haven't gotten drunk yet...something's not right.
No one knows who he is but he hasn't missed a shot in beer pong yet. He's dressed as lance armstrong and is tearing shit up.
Hold on there are flying pancakes I can't handle this right now
I'm drunk and you're awesome. let's stay this way forever.
Just FYI, I'm breaking up with my boyfriend tonight and you need to be on call to be my first rebound bang
I think she's perpetually drunk
It's all she knows
Sean getting laid is an anomaly, Sean banging the hottest single girl at the wedding is a fucking unicorn being ridden by a leprechaun walking through mordor.
An old lady WILL get vomited on today.
My mom has finally acknowledged my soft spot for Russians. Finally.
Just to update you. I am dead. So your probably gonna have to find a new roommate
Went outside and he was playing rock paper scissors with a cop over a drunk in public ticket.
Are you really surprised she can't remember? That's like 50 people. I couldn't rattle off all 50 state capitols off the top of my head, you're bound to forget a few here and there
i was watching the elves fighting on my knees while waiting for the shrooms to kick in then i realized
Randomize