I dont shave on purpose to keep myself from being slutastic!! it usually works
AIM automatically accepts video chats on my laptop. I found this out when I got a text from Jacob after my first attempt at drunk lesbian sex saying, "I'd give it a 7. You need to work on your positioning." I think I'm single now.
don't bother texting me at 10. my pants WILL be off and I'm not putting them back on to come see you.
i have no concept of time, i feel my nose, and im seeing everything in bitty hexagons.
all i need in life is blowjobs and white cheddar cheezits
Got a basket, 50 condoms, some candy, 100 plastic eggs & my bunny costume. Campus will feel my wrath in 2 weeks
Nothing like studying in the College of Communication to make you realize how smart you are.
my mothers day present is going to be not puking at the table during brunch
Please tell me the foreign boys in the kitchen this morning were yours.
I researched the whole pregnancy breast feeding with piercings. I think you dont have to worry about the trifecta milk spraying thing.
Just got a nosebleed, my period and the runs all at the same time. I'm either dying, or this is the first sign of the apocalypse. You warning you in case it's the latter.
The 12 year old son winked and made eyes at me while his father fed me vodka gummy bears. Gameday yo
I am at a new level of appreciation for drunk-you, who threw up into her own sweatshirt pocket last night in the car. Brava.
I still can't get the taste of her nipples and the udon noodles out of my mouth
STOP IT RIGHT NOW IM BEING A SINLESS CHILD OF GOD IN BED TRYING TO SLEEP AND YOURE SENDING ME MEMES ABOUT DICKS
Randomize
