tell ils to like buy her flowers and like a balloon that says, sorry I tried to fuck your sister. I think hallmark makes some of those cards too.
Can you please tell me why there's a bottle of urine on my night stand with a note that says "in case you're thirsty in the morning"? Thanks.
im getting a BJ in a closet
and a penguin just handed me a bong
I just beat off to a cartoon porn video. what has my life come to
It has to be really easy to get midgets drunk.
i need you to babysit me first week back at school. havent had tequila, adderal, or sex w randoms in 3 months
She started licking your face, then you turned to me and said "I guess thats my cue", and you proceeded to hook up with her.
I'll throw in a blow job for your kind ways. Or another booty call. I'm poor and not very imaginative. This is all I have to offer- the unicorn like wonders of my vagina.
He wouldn't give me a cup of water for my bong so i sat in the drive thru to run up the timer until he gave it to me.
Fyi: beer caps are stronger then bathroom counters
The chick who threw the party was all pissed cause she thought I made out with her boyfriend. Admittedly, I did, but she was throwing up and crying at the time so she really can't be that mad.
You said you were uncomfortable with your body and then you started making whale noises
we just ate hash browns in a nativity scene with baby jesus
The album on my phone containing gross pictures to send when boys ask for nudes is now substantially larger than my normal photo album. Because I send one every night
I'm pretty sure the rest of my evening will consist of masturbating, drinking tequila and watching children's movies.
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