i don't have fun when you have fun. i have embarrassment, fear, and significantly less cash in my wallet.
if i found out she had a dick after i got head, does that still make me gay?
I also referred to her clitorous as her "vagina dot" last night...probably going to be dumped soon.
Some dude just came up to me and stroked my beard, smiled and left. Shave?
It's only been a week and i've already broken my no summer randoms rule twice.
I was to tired to jerk him off, so he made me hold it while he thrusted into my hand.
I need a straight guy to pretend to be my boyfriend for 30 minutes so that I can pull off an act of petty vengeance. Interested?
Yeah. I made eggs in a microwave. I think that's an accomplishment this week, MOM.
You were drink-wine-from-the-bottle drunk trying to take everybody's blood pressures again.
I feel like dick that good should always be within a five kilometre radius of me.
yep, just sat in the backseat of my car for about five minutes looking for the vodka soaked underwear,when i came to the realization that i really gotta start getting my shit together..
i just called dibs on the taxi driver at the bar that isnt drinking. im a grown up
Walk of shame through Chipotle? Check.
is it weird that i just witnessed the marriage of someone ive had sex with on multiple occasions?
APPARENTLY I MISSED SOMEONE SWALLOWING A WHOLE BAG OF METH WHILE I WAS ON BREAK.
Randomize
