My friends, they love my intelligence
do girls know yet that the best boners are in the morning?
there is a large number of people floating in the fountains the morning in inter-tubes...its only 930. did i miss something?
Oh my god it's like Minesweeper. I can tell there's sex in three of the four rooms, but which one is the safe one?
I have no idea what's going on.... I just want to wear my horse sweatshirt and drink vodka.
i swear, as soon as they invent a cure for herpes, he's mine.
He knew exactly who I'd slept with after just one look at my crotch. He's like the Sherlock Holmes of cocks.
There are two types of people in this world I don't trust: people who collect stamps, and people who don't drink
And apparently i asked another younger guy at the bar if he wanted his bud light pumped straight into his vag. As i put back an irish car bomb...
Annnnd I didn't even notice there is a guy dancing in a jock strap beside me. That explains girls smiling at me
The girl in the stall next to me is puking her brains out, I'd say she had just a good a weekend as us
I gave her some alkaseltzer ad she looked at me lke I was god
She picked me up from the bar in her underwear.
He said you asked to eat pepperoni off his dick and he thought it was weird
I mean I thought it sounded fun
She walked up to me and whispered "I hope you're good at sex" and led me to the beach.
He’s going to a lawnmower race. I got a Brazilian and he’s racing a lawnmower race. Pick me up. I’m not wasting this waxing on John Deer
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