wait, did i just see you litter out your window??
umm, i have a hybrid. it cancels out.
WHY DID I DRINK ALL THE INGREDIENTS FOR VOMIT?!
you just love her because she lets you bang her with fruits and veggies!
Asian chick on skype stripping for me. Hold on give few min
how do you wash the taste of whore out of your mouth?
You were humming mission impossible as we ran from the cops
Couldn't see or hear that well because she hit me on the back of the head with a bat. That is my excuse. Also the gin.
note to self, drunkenly bedazzeling the silverware was a stupid fucking idea
just found a piece of pizza in my dresser.....i remember you saying you were going to save one for later so i'm assuming this is your doing
make sure nobody uses the downstairs toilet. i like to have an unused toilet for the weekends. dont shit where you puke i always say.
First highlight of the semester: campus safety caught me peeing in the dirt parking lot by kappa. Then as they were about to write me up, they recognized me, laughed, and left.
I was proudly and successfully the first girl ever to get kicked out of a the bar for being too drunk last night. Loving spring break.
you weren't there so I had to flirt with him on your behalf
IT IS NICKEL SHIT NIGHT
*shot. Why
Anyone who does not consider cereal and wine as a balanced breakfast needs to leave immediately.
Randomize
