I feel like my life has just been one 21 year long episode of "i shouldn't be alive"
those are the first brownies ive had since i was 13 that didnt have weed in them.
she kicked me out for pissing in the recycling bin. I mean, is it really THAT big of a deal?
Oh no I havn't even told you about the naked asians yet
If by "in control" you mean him showing-up to work wasted, calling a customer a "fuckstick," and getting fired on the spot? Then yes, he is.
We woke up at 7:30am. We got a 30 rack, yelled at all the freshman shackers walkin back to their dorms, played a game of beer die, and boned all before 11:00am. I found my soulmate
also dude totally apologize for the whole drunken "want something in my mouth" text
He thought you were kidding about me peeing on my ex...and then I was like "that was one time"
Yes. I will keep putting the beer into my stomach and eventually the bartender will make a mistake
The first thing I did when I got to the apartment was masturbate on the couch
I'm like a saiyan, every time I get trashed I come back stronger
So, Kevin dropping me off at urgent care. Seems my tampon slipped out of reach. Even after he tried to get it out with some kitchen tongs.
I want to conceive our bastard child on an athletic field. Why can't we make this happen?
I promised her before I left that I'd make good choices and then got drunk and fucked my best friend and her boyfriend.
Btw that $18 I gave you to run around outside naked came out of your wallet.
Randomize