I couldn't deal, she's a vegetarian. Every woman should like a little meat in their mouths.
he accidentally used the toothbrush i use to induce my bulemia...i feel like this is something he shouldnt find out...
when did we get so old that our friends started having LEGITIMATE children?
my shower just felt like jesus cried on me. like he shed tears just for my shower.
This has been the most pleasant arrest experience I've ever had.
Woke up this morning on my doorstep in a basket with a branch, a lipstick lightning bolt on my head and a sign that said "the boy who lived." i love you guys.
I don't want to hear about you making out with a high schooler. I just had the best sex of my life. My face and arms went numb in the middle of it.
He hasn't responded, but he probably just jizzed in his shorts again, so I'll give him time.
I don't care if he got kidnapped by a cult one time he is a dick
Yeahhh, apparently my brothers think its ok not to check on me if a creeper is talking to me bc i "like those weirdo types"
Star Trek does not adequately answer all the questions that I have about alien genitals
Drowning in science and also vodka. Hope you're having fun.
My body is telling me there was tequila. My pictures say it was Jeff's fault
Did I send you a drunk selfie with a pine tree last night?
Wait are we really having an orgy on Tuesday?
Randomize
