Got some. In a truck. I will just pee you in the morning i guess?
You're pretty and everything..but you aren't worth the DUI
No joke. Last we saw of him he was naked and dragging that stupid goat into the bushes.
I would like to apologize for making you the target of my "I wish head hair grew as fast as Pubes speech" the other night
I would think I was a stalker too if I wasn't myself
Who the fuck was that guy he kept pulling his dick out walking up to people trying to hand it to people and saying go ahead open the door like it was a door knob
oh sorry. I thought "boat" was code for "penis"
You'll have to pretend I'm texting you with buddychecks.
Like the Jimeny Cricket of cockblocks.
BoomCity!!!
You don't have to text me that every time you have sex. I already heard you ring the gong.
I spent last night dying strippers pubes green and landscaping shamrocks. That is why hands look like I squashed a leprechaun.
So stoned that I pressed the unlock button on my car keys to walk into my bedroom...
There's a potato with a bite taken out of it in the kitchen
idk what happened last night but i just wokeup with nothing on but a necklace...what is this, the fucking titanic?
Well the hawks lost... so, of course, the only logical course of action was a bonfire in the middle of the street.
It’s easy for me to be professional, the tough part is finding the perfect amount of bitchy undertone
Randomize
