I tried to gradually lead her into my room but she wouldn't stop crying and quoting memoirs of a geisha
Evryone should know as good ramen noodle cooked in beer sounds... its not
Kind of a slow process. Played 9 holes with her yesterday. Wish one of them was hers
It's always a relief to be able to look at some one, and remind yourself that there IS some one who gets laid less then yourself.
Her sex list was a LOT longer than mine. She tried to justify it by saying '4 of those don't count because they were in the gang bang'.
I'm not 100% sure, but I think someone gave me a bath last night...
He brought Stephanie home from the black light party. Apparently he has night vision beer goggles
just found $310, wrapped in a rubber band, at the bottom of my sock drawer with a note attached stating, "Make it rain".
There is a contact in my phone named "Bar Mcntysu." this is why we need a third person to go out with us.
Can you pick me up a bottle of make-an-ass-of-myself tonight?
Do you want cuervo gold or silver?
I've decided I'm gonna attack people with the toilet plunger.
also Jesus you really need to change your diet. I just washed your baby gravy out of my hair and it's so acidic my hair is damaged. You have killer sperm
Just discovered i ordered the nhl center ice package back in september, the operator said there was a note next to the time I called, indicating I may have been intoxicated while calling (no clue why but it was noted)...meaning I was drunk...meaning ill never miss another sabres game...i love me and am beaming with self pride
I rolled joints beforehand. Lit a candle. Ghetto rigged taping the 40's on my hands and then lit the joint using the flame of the candle.
I'm so proud of your modern ingenuity
Nothing says "welcome to Denver" like a hot 18 year old giving you directions to the dispensary and ending up blowing you in the backseat
Randomize
