I fucked her to her "thinking of him" playlist. Sucks to be that guy haha
She gave me a blow job and her mom gave me blueberry muffin afterwards. I love them.
Don't text me when you know I'm doing lines on my phone
Annd you probably wouldn't of fallen down the stairs if you didn't insist on taking 'finale shots'
Nyquil jello-shots aiding in health and happiness
I think their strategy was based on people bein at a beach, seein a rainbow, and havin an orgasm at the same time.
New rule during sex: if it causes you to take your rings off, don't do it.
Would you get mad if I held a "how many dick pics can you get in one night" competition with my friend?
You didn't even properly utilize my pigtails.
Idk. I was speaking metaphorically. Go for it. As one of your bad decisions, I feel confident in saying you've done worse.
The smell came through my closed door. His farts are made of rendered tires, and apparently, ghosts.
Sangria Sundays can't keep happening. Even my second grade students know I'm hungover. Benji even gave me his oreos its that bad
Yup. Dog walker, house sitter and mistress to the rich, bored and bi-curious. I've got a nice little operation running.
Crying into a glass of wine at 10 am isn't exactly how I planned this day to go
His sister gave me the "if you hurt him I will break your neck" talk. I didn't know how to tell her we're not a couple.
Randomize
