Encyclopedia Brown and the case of the missing condom.
I hope Brown isn't a clue to its whereabouts.
Note to self: when drunk try to remember that ctrl, alt and dance doesnt exist on a keyboard.
You gave your boss a bj to get the safe employee of the month award?
Ever wonder what all the drugs you've ever done would look like put together?
Heaven. . It would look like heaven
He came over apologized for his lack of sexual skills. Cleaned my kitchen cooked me dinner. And gave me another one minute stand. I think im okay with this
You are cordially invited to an I'm not pregnant laser tag celebration tomorrow. booze is optional.
Oh and it took quite a bit of doing, but I managed to wipe my butt with the hat you left in my car
bitch dont make me pour hotsauce in your vagina
Thanks for duct tapping my dick to my leg while I was passed out. I could only aim straight down. I stood on your bed. Have a nice day at work!
I don't know how much expertise I could offer. My best advice is, "don't drown, for god's sake don't drown"
Apparently I was so drunk last night I got stuck in the revolving door at the hotel. They have suveliance vidoes of it.
Also, we can't be seen together looking suspicious or sexually satisfied
I think it's time for tequila and I to go our separate ways
I just lived through a real life episode of jersey shore.
You left your phone here
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