Grow some girl-balls and come out already
so we told my parents we were going trick or treating. got high as shit at some playground. and then bought our own candy so we looked legit when we got home.
You need to get here now. A drunk girl just stumbled into our apartment. shes laying on the floor by our door.
A-plus on my thesis. I deserve the blowjob to end all blowjobs. And I wanna wear a crown while you do it.
I need to stop drunkenly getting naked. I'm losing all my favorite party clothes.
This is why I need to move out...so my naked vomit covered walk of shames to the bathroom are only witnessed by one other person who is equally as pathetic as me and the cat
IT WAS SO BIG. I FORGOT GOD MADE THEM LIKE THIS.
I suggest absurd amounts of masturbation this weekend to build up the necessary calluses
Dude are you being arrested? I swear I just saw you laying on the hood of your car with a cop patting you down...
Is it bad i hate my job so much I'm actively trying to get fired tonight by drinking all the booze we have so I don't have to show up for my double tomorrow. Four mango vodkas later I have decided I'm a better server drunk.
Thanks for being my pregnancy scare Sherpa...
I am watching xfiles and eating microwaved cookiedough, and I see nothing wrong with it.
She sent me a video of herself sitting in the car stone faced listening to the Titanic song on silence. She won't answer my texts.
He said we were going to get fucked up in the woods so here we are
It's alright. I'm just trying to make her realize you're not good enough for her.
Randomize
