Godddamnit i jsu woke up in oharee. My connecxtion left an hro ago. Thosse flight atttendants can DRinK
The world needs more lipstick lesbians, if anything.
I shaved my legs finally. I am starting to remember what my skin feels like.
So the weirdest part of it all was he whispered in my ear "can i eat you out on your tredmill?" I dont find him attractive at all anymore
Do you know any thirteen year old jewish kids? I'm looking for a party.
I'm pregnant just thinking about him.
I didn't think moms care packages could get better than greygoose, weed & double stuffed oreos, but she just snet me a chocolate bar full of mushrooms.
I remember convincing the limo driver to smoke with us and if he did I would name my first son after him.
We dared each other to drink Arbor Mist, and I waterboarded someone with tequila.
rigging a system to keep my jello shots cold in class. important election day work.
First time at a gay bar. I found a surrogate AND sperm donor! The surrogate is straight, so it evens out.
I would have cried, probably tears of wine, but cried nonetheless.
i snuck out to taco bell in my hospital gown earlier
You should've seen the look on the guys face when I demanded pho and a beer the second they opened. Obviously he doesn't understand hangovers
I will bring Jesus to court if he punishes me for that
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