Our house smells like week old pizza, beer cans, cigarettes, and depressing career tracks....get lysol.
I don't even know what he looks like, all i've seen of him is his dick
the rest of him looks just as crooked
If only guys knew how much awkward ass shaving goes into making sex this good...
You're about to fuck a guy with a sweatshirt tied around his waist like a mensurating 13 year old. Get your priorities straight, you're graduating tomorrow.
Guess the answer to the last 2 texts right and you'll get a boob shot tonight. Guess wrong and it will be a picture of a used, boogery kleenex.
my boss just accepted "because it's 4/20" as a legitimate reason to take Friday off
The reality is I'm 24 and I have terminal breast cancer. Fuck yeah I'm going have sex with every hot guy I can. What, am I gonna worry about getting an STD or pregnant at this point? If I'm gonna die, I want to have any many big dicks as I can while I'm still able.
I thought adderall would sober me up, but it did NOT.
I'm pretty sure I just gave myself third degree burns from punching my pizza.
Also, if asking a guy to come over and watch curling with you doesn't scream let's fuck then idk what does
I stole a tiki torch last night and just returned it. Things have been better.
Just woke up to find that I'd left a stove burner on for the past 6 hours or so. I'm now banned from Ambien cooking.
You had me at "let me see your balls"
where did we go last night? there's dollar bills all over my room & they're all wet.
And I just got smacked in the face by my cat. Apparently I'm supposed to be awake now.
Randomize
