Yes. UR adorable in a weird way.
It was like a lincoln log. Seriously. I don't know who's more pissed, me or my vagina...worst.hookup.ever.
the fact that you could barely do more than slur incoherent sentences didn't stop you from correcting her grammar
I feel like fucking him is something we all do but don't want to admit to. like masturbating or peeing in the shower
Someone left their drag queen on my couch. On the plus side, he sure does know how to make a mean cup of coffee.
Everyone here knows my boyfriend as "Half Baked". Life, he's doing it right.
How have I seen you throw up on yourself 3 different times, yet we weren't Facebook friends until I accidentally hooked up with your ex?
So I bet a guy he could drink two irish car bombs faster than me and I lost. now he gets to name our first son. sory.
Used my brand new sperrys as a trash can to throw up in and woke up with someone's random key in my hair...new year new me:)
How does one acquire holy water?
I mentioned the porn thing he mentioned a brother it all kinda just came together
I just got promised sex at a fire station tonight so basically all my porn star dreams are coming true.
That awkward moment when you realize you've been secretly blackout dating someone for three months. Drunk me is in a committed relationship.
He's finally divorcing her, so naturally he tells me that we're not exclusive anymore. His penis 'wants what it wants' apparently.
I'm wearing men's underwear
I don't know what to do with that information...
Randomize