But regardless, you really stood out last night, you should give me a chance
Sorry but you seem like a potential womanizer
So I've decided that when I turn 50 and have to have a colonoscopy I'm going to leave a surprise for the doctor to find.
Just saw actual Chinese people doing a Chinese firedrill. Good day.
Good thing you left when you did - ended up getting banned from jimmy johns.
She offered to massage my back by hitting it with a sparkly purple double dildo... Bi chicks can get creepy
Okay, quick math test. If our entire group can do at least 6 shots a night, how much alcohol will be needed to keep us shit faced for the rest of the week? This is for a grade. Anddd, go.
Omg he has a washer and dryer IN his apartment and lots of back up toilet paper. I went home with an adult. My uterus is pumping out eggs beyond my control.
we got kicked out of her coke dealer's house when we wouldn't stop quoting "a league of their own"
communist
Just walked in on him banging another girl. He told me " sorry but I'm gonna finish now that I'm caught" ...... I think this is the reason god gave me four older brothers....
I told him that I wanted his dick like I wanted a jumbo hot dog. There something wrong with my priorities
There is nothing wrong with watching parks and rec all day then getting blackout drunk by night
Someone stole a lamp last night.
Very unfortunate to find out the kid who took your virginity has never seen Star Wars🙃
Accidentally made a bowl of macaroni and cheese with a bottle of vodka. It's not that bad
He's really cute...He stopped talking to me because i pulled my skirt up and peed in a demi plie position...
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