I still think their baby is ugly. I also still think it's yours.
I think my vagina is haunted
i swear to god, this restaurant is playing a john tesh cover of a song from aladdin
thats the mark of a good guy. when you can period all over his leg and he still thinks you're beautiful!
I just learned that your liver regrows itself every 2 months. Best news I've heard all week.
She was so loose she sounded like a jar of salsa. I didn't know that was even possible.
i just opened up my bathroom cabinet to get deodorant and found 4 bottles of natty. Its like the world wants me to miss this interview
and she just brought her bike into the shower with her
Cleaning my pipe and using the left over resin solution to make THC laced rolling papers and a jar of hash oil/honey for my tea
WE USE THE WHOLE BUFFALO
I just wanted to be the best at what I did even if that included sexing a whole fraternity or sorority ya know?
So I definitely tried to pay a cab with baseball tickets last night
I'm really tired of this guy walking his chicken in my neighborhood.
I can't believe that after 9 years of signing things as "BATMAN", the first place to turn it down was the liquor store down the block.
We were driving past a farm when he screamed at me to stop the car, then he jumped out and tried to ride a cow.
I told the border patrol officer she was smuggling drugs in her ass. I doubt she cheats on me again.
Randomize
