Tears do usually get me what I want. That and oral sex.
Just woke up in bed, AC on high, with a fresh pack of smokes, an unopened pint of vodka, and a bag w a beef patty w cheese in it. I think my roommate's like the toothfairy or something. Or that was way more Xanax than I needed.
Is it sad that I find it completely normal that I just took batteries out of a vibrator to put them in a pencil sharpener so I could do homework?
I find this completely acceptable.
wait can you just look around please? that was my favorite bra and i've already asked like 3 other guys
this is a time for prayers...seriously
let us hold hands and pray.. sweet baby jesus please bring us some sweet sweet man loving this homecoming weekend to aid our lonely vaginas it has been a long couple of weeks amen.
Want a slice of this weekend's hottest piece of ass?
i think the sex is so good because i get a contact high just from fucking him
I have the relationship skills of Miley Cyrus and I could've said this was a bad idea
all the one night stand stories i have end with me crying on my RA's floor stuffing cupcakes into my mouth
i just told him to get ready, because I'm going to be taking out my anger over the Super Bowl out on his penis.
I was giving him a blowjob but we had to stop because he started crying when his cat walked in and started staring at us
The guy who said he's gonna suck your butthole till your face caves in is at Maggie's
Just learned that the cute guy I've been flirting with at the beach this whole time is actually an inmate working in the community instead of being in prison.. My life is unreal
We had sex on a couch that was held together by Velcro. Want to know an unsexy sound? Velcro ripping apart under your bare ass.
My co-worker accidentally texted me regarding the threesome him and other one are planning.
Randomize
