That was definitely a porn plot just waiting to develop...
you thought that fire hydrant was a midget...you gave it a hug and asked for a lollipop.
Heard at work: Get out of my face before I cuntpunch you so hard your granddaughters have miscarriages. I love my job.
I'm moving there. Get me hired.
Is there a "Plan B" app for my iphone?
Now that the fun of having an iPhone has worn off I find that using screen as a coke tray is by far my favorite app
I just wanna go home eat some pizza rolls, get warm and jerk off, and it's only 845. This shit was supposed to make me see unicorns. Not cry
Plus you know he's just 2 semesters and 4 glasses of wine away from "experimenting" with some French major
His penis will pick the quickest route to vagina. it's like an biological onstar.
please bring me a paper towel asap.
I was drinking wine in bed and spilt some on my chest.. And I cautiously guided it into my belly button but now I dont know what to do.
It was your ex but it was not eighties night, it was pudding wrestling. And either thank you or I'm sorry depending on the state of my pants left on the doorstep
Dude you're alone at a bar with a woman, and you're talking about my junk?
You don't know commitment until you try and waterproof a non-waterproof vibrator
I haven't been that free with the boobs since I was 19. I'm putting them away for a while.
If you insist
The one guy literally flopped my boob out. Yes I insist.
Text me if something catches fire and I will put pants on
My neck is sore from all the headbanging. And I can't tell the difference between the jello stains and cum stains.
Randomize
