I didn't talk to you tonight because I've decided you look like a man.
He left the bathroom door open so i would hear him masturbate in the shower to make me feel guilty for not putting out but it just turned me on cause i like guys masturbating. weird?
you were so high you spent the rest of the night smelling pepper to prove you can sneeze with your eyes open
i just saw a guiness commercial where the guiness was on the verge of spilling the whole time. i was on the edge of my seat scared shitless. im an alcoholic.
i'm at the st pattys day thing. the bar is packed. they just put on celine dion its all coming back to me now. i'm screaming the words.
it's 1 pm.
is he the 3rd person to bang everyone in our group?
Drunk me thinks I can light up a cig anywhere, sober me finds this hilarious and highly irresponsible. The grocery store is not a bar.
Last night, I accomplished the impossible. I pissed while riding my bicycle home without pissing all over myself. My Dutch friends gave me a round of applause and said I was now the king of holland.
the tv said "its small, its comfortable..." and i started laughing... safe to say he lost any dignity he had left...
Its okay, i dont mind you drinking, im just surrounded by it, there is some random dude laying on your couch with a bucket that ive never seen before
My boss just told me not to come back to work if I decide to drink. Challenge accepted.
I can't wait to get home and brush the fuck outta my teeth.
Literally.
My tits became the mascot for the SAE house last night.
Why is this not the first time I’ve seen the mugshot of someone I’ve slept with
Guess who won a basket of sex toys in front of his parents, aunts, uncles, sister, and cousin...
Randomize
