Its ok relax. i can tell ur gonna start raggin. talk 2 u next week
So I have to go swallow an entire zebra. Ur on ur own girl.
I went from sexy to sloppy in a matter of minutes
I just poured my flask into a drink. Then I realized the drink belonged to the guy next to me so I stole it from him. He confronted me and I made out with him to distract him. When I looked up, I realized his wife was watching. Its barely 10:00.
It's chlamydia! Thank God!
I still cannot believe I yelled at every guy at the bar "you wanna get in this clam?!"
should i be impressed or disgusted that i was spitting glow-in-the-dark?
Uh yeah can we get an age of consent check on Dave's penis?
Age of consent, Dave's penis. Thank you...
I have got to stop letting people hang ornaments from my nipple ring.
Tis the season.
Come to the roof. We are drinking breakfast.
He's not very smart so he didn't know I was yelling at him with monologues from Scandal.
i spent my Thursday drinking before noon and not wearing pants
I'm literally trying to cool beer down right now in my car by putting it on my floor and blasting cold air on it
Found my paycheck. It was in the freezer
At some point i am going to say to you "i have this really bad idea! You in? " just go with it.
Randomize
