that was the first time i tried it. why is it all sticky? its like somebody threw a glue bottle at my face.
True Life: I puke at bars and try to catch it in my hand...then walk away like it didn't happen
Just spun two beer bottles and Placed them in my pockets perfect... I feel like the clint eastwood of drunks
Vibrator and massage oils got stopped at security. Super.
Don't worry, nothing happened....but we should have a fire extinguisher here.
He started to notice that i sleep with every girl he calls dibs on.
So I passed out with my boxers on in the hotel jacuzzi at 5am.. The manager who kicked me out was pretty cute so I left my name and number for her at the front desk. I'm giving it a 50/50 she calls.
The sad thing was my husband told her its ok to make out with me. Bar Tuesdays will live on regardless.
I think Facebook knows you fucked me. All of a sudden I get everything you do in my news feed.
I mean, on what planet are nipples suppose to look like that?
I almost died in that meeting. Nearly dried up and blew away in the pure powder form of boredom
I know that feel bro
I'm full of champagne and rage, of course I'm showing up at his house.
YOU TRIED TO SWIM IN HER FISHTANK. I don't think she's going to call you.
Have you ever thrown up in the middle of your hair appointment? Cause I have..
Point in my hangover when I'm honestly not sure if I'm about to puke, or shit my pants.
Randomize
